


Demons

by GreatDane



Category: Black Veil Brides
Genre: Angst, Eating Disorders, F/M, Fluff, Romance
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2016-02-01
Updated: 2016-04-11
Packaged: 2018-05-17 17:04:28
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence
Chapters: 17
Words: 27,187
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/5878705
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/GreatDane/pseuds/GreatDane
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Amelia is 19 years old and lives with her boyfriend of a year, Nick. She suffers from an eating disorder and abuse. Andy is 24 years old and lives alone. He suffers from loneliness and cigarette-smoke. Different people - different demons. Maybe the cure is the same.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Chapter 1

I was picking at my mashed potatoes tentatively with a silver fork, every once in a while casting discreet glances at my boyfriend sat opposite me. He was surveilling me closely, making sure that every bite made it safely into my mouth. No words had been exchanged between us since we sat down at the dinner table, and the silence hung heavily in the air around us. Every time I opened my mouth in an attempt to excuse myself, Nick would look at me disapprovingly at my intake of breath, and I would quickly shut it again. For some reason, Nick had gotten the idea that I wasn’t eating enough to maintain a healthy weight, which was absolutely ridiculous, since I practically ate the bare minimum amount of calories for a 19-year old girl. So what if I wanted to shed a little bit of weight? He was the one who suggested it in the first place all those months ago. 

A heavy sigh interrupted my train of thought, and I cautiously looked up into the eyes of my boyfriend. His arms were crossed and an angry expression rested on his face. “I don’t get it,” he mumbled with a shake of his head. “I work hard. For you. For us. I spend my hard-earned money on food for you, and where is that food gonna go?” he asked sharply, causing me to lower my head in shame. “That’s right. The fucking trash.” The chair screeched along the hard-wood floor as he stood up and grabbed my plate. “Fucking girls…” he muttered angrily as he scraped the remainder of my food into the bin before stacking it in the dishwasher. A huge wave of guilt washed over me as the truth of his words seeped into my bones. I was a horrible person. A horrible, ungrateful person who didn’t deserve half of what my boyfriend offered me. My head fell into my hands in frustration, and I ran my fingers through my already disheveled auburn hair. “I’m sor-“ “Save it,” he interrupted angrily before stalking into the living room where he crashed on the couch and turned on the TV. 

My eyes immediately burned with unshed tears, but I shook my head, angry with myself. Why did I always ruin everything I touched? I ruined my body. I ruined my relationship with my boyfriend. I ruined my relationship with my parents. The embarrassment and guilt soon turned into burning anger that flushed my skin and picked up my heart-rate. Without thinking about it, I slammed my fist down on the table, causing the various glass trinkets placed on it to tilt and eventually topple over. “What the-“ Before Nick could finish his question, I stood up and practically ran to the bathroom upstairs, where I locked the door behind me and slid down to the floor. The tiles were freezing, but did little to calm the fire within me. My stomach cramped painfully around the small amount of food I had forced down my throat, and I crawled my way over to the toilet. I could hear my boyfriend’s heavy steps coming up the carpeted staircase. “If you’re doing what I think you’re doing, you’re in big trouble!” he shouted while banging his fists on the door. Even with the wooden door between us, I shrunk away from his harsh words and curled into a ball with my head leaning over the toilet. “I’m serious!” 

His words faded as I finally stuck two fingers down my throat, which immediately set my gag-reflex into motion. “Come on,” I whispered angrily, shoving them further down, until my stomach starting clenching violently. Blood was pumping in my ears, I was shaking, and before I knew it, I was throwing up the contents of my stomach. Nick definitely heard, because the last thing I heard before he went downstairs was: “You’re in trouble.” 

I continued throwing up until nothing but acidic fluid burned my esophagus and tears were pouring down my cheeks. With a trembling hand I flushed the toilet and wiped the drool on my chin. The realization of my actions dawned upon me only seconds after, and my heart sunk in disbelief. When the hell did I allow this to happen? I swore to myself I would only go on a diet and work out a bit, and when I reached my goal, I would stop. I would never, ever, stoop this low. “Oh, fuck,” I breathed as I placed my head in my hands before angrily wiping away the dried tears on my face. Still shaking, I brushed my teeth and washed my face before mustering up the courage to go downstairs, where hell was definitely awaiting me. 

The TV was muted as soon as I reached the bottom of the staircase, and I winced as I made my way into the kitchen. Quickly-approaching footsteps could soon be heard, and for a moment I considered fleeing to our shared bedroom, but decided against it - I would have to face him at some point either way. Within seconds Nick stood before me, trapping me between himself and the counter behind me. He gave me no time to brace myself before his hand collided with my left cheek, which would have caused me to topple over, had he not held me up against the counter in an iron-grip around my bicep. The sting of the slap was almost as painful as the emotional war going on in my mind, and I squeezed my eyes shut at the all-too-familiar pain. 

“Look at me,” he whispered angrily and grabbed my jaw. As I looked into his eyes, I saw nothing left of the man I fell in love with so long ago, but deep down I knew that he would reappear as soon as we lay in bed later. So I dealt with it. “If I ever, and I mean ever…” he seethed, tightening the grip on my jaw, “find you doing that again…” He merely shook his head, clearly unable to formulate whatever he felt. “You will be sorry.” I clenched my jaw and cast my eyes downwards. Shame coursed through my veins as I felt my already warm face heating up further. “Do you understand?” he asked, and I unwillingly nodded my head in compliance. “Good.” His eyes landed on my burning cheek, and for a moment I could have sworn I saw a flicker of guilt in his eyes, but it was gone as quickly as it came. “I’m going to bed,” he mumbled, finally releasing his strong grip on me and walking out of the room. 

At his release, I immediately rubbed the sore muscles in my arm as my knees started to quiver. Without the will to stop it, I slid down to the floor once more and hid my face in my hands. God, why are you so stupid? I scolded myself fiercely and banged my head against the counter behind me. Not only had I forced myself to throw up, I had also disrespected the boy I was in love with. Deep down I knew that I deserved every slap and every bruise that was tender to the touch. I deserved every yell and every scolding, and I knew that my boyfriend deserved better than me. He deserved someone with a beautiful body and a beautiful personality, and a frown settled on my face as I realized that I had neither. It was honestly a wonder that he still wanted to be with me, but I was determined to enjoy every second I was allowed to spend with someone like him, even if I had to be reminded of how undeserving I was every second of every day. 

 

Half an hour later I was stripping off my hoodie and sweats, turning sideways to cast a scrutinizing glance at my body in the bathroom-mirror. As always, I was saddened by what I saw. My ribs protruded only slightly, and my stomach was not as concave as I would have wanted it to be. I sucked in a large breath and grabbed the scarce excess flab on my lower stomach, pinching until it turned a flaming shade of red with crescent markings littering the skin. A thick lump formed in my throat as I stared at my reflection. I wasn’t allowed to cut down on my daily intake calories, and I wasn’t allowed to throw it all back up. How the hell was I supposed to lose weight? As I continued to gaze into the mirror, the outline of a hand-shaped bruise that had already started to develop on my bicep caught my attention, and I curiously poked it, although it was tinged with a familiar soreness. A deep grunt from behind the door broke me out of my reverie, and with a sigh I pulled on a t-shirt and a pair of shorts. With a final glance at my disgusting thighs in the mirror, I weaseled myself underneath the duvet, where Nick wrapped his arms tightly around me without hesitation. “I love you,” he mumbled into my hair while his calloused fingers slowly stroked my arm. I found myself curling into his warm touch, breathing in the familiar scent. “I know.”


	2. Chapter 2

The morning after I awoke to empty sheets. With a sigh I realized that Nick had probably left to hang out with his friends - although a quick scan of the bedside table showed no sign of a note. As I finally heaved myself out of bed minutes later, my phone started vibrating, signaling an incoming call. Lucy flashed across the screen, and a smile tugged at my lips at the thought of my best friend. “‘Ello?” I answered, startled at the sound of my own scratchy morning voice. Lucy laughed lightly on the other end. “Have you seriously slept until now?” I removed the phone from my ear to glance at the time - 11:12. “Fuck me…” I mumbled, to which my friend laughed even more. “I get that it’s Saturday, but damn girl. Anyways, would thou like to join moi at the beach?” she asked in a dorky accent, and I rolled my eyes. For a moment I weighed out my options - the beach meant swimsuits, which was a definite no. And the water meant revealing the bruises that were most likely completely visible by now, even if I covered them with makeup, so that was also a no. 

“Uh… How about the mall?” I asked sheepishly. Luckily my friend agreed without further questioning. “See you in an hour!” she said happily before hanging up. “See you.” I immediately went to my dresser and picked out an outfit; black skinny jeans with rolled-up cuffs and a grey baggy sweatshirt. A quick glance out of the window showed the Sun high in the sky, and with a groan I picked up a white t-shirt with an oversized, light cardigan instead. Instinctively I gave my body a once-over before stepping into the shower. The light bruise from yesterday had turned a sickly purple color and was incredibly sensitive to the touch. My cheek was slightly better, although the slap caused a small tear in my lip. After a few minutes of reprimanding myself for allowing my body to look the way it did, I stepped into the shower and lathered myself in shampoo and conditioner along with a peach-scented body wash. 

There was still no sign of Nick as I stepped out of the bathroom twenty minutes later, so I reminded myself to leave a note before I left. After tugging on my outfit and running a brush through my hair, I received a text from Lucy.

On my way! See you in 10 <3

I smiled at her message, but quickly covered my tender bruise with concealer and swiped on some mascara. “I’m hereee!” came an enthusiastic shout from downstairs. “Coming!” I shouted right back as I filled my shoulder bag with keys, gum and my phone before sauntering downstairs. “Hey!” the dark-haired girl greeted before tugging me into a tight hug, which I reciprocated immediately. Her touch was warm and comforting, although I couldn’t help but wince as she unknowingly squeezed the bruise on my arm. Before long she grabbed my arm and dragged me into her car parked in my driveway. “So,” she began as she turned the key in the ignition, “what have you been up to lately?” I clicked on my seatbelt and shrugged indifferently. “Not much. Just working, you know.” Lucy nodded solemnly, but cracked a smile when she heard me laugh at her. “Same,” she sighed as she patted the steering wheel. “Need money for this baby. And college, obviously.” Lucy and I were both taking a year off school in order to save up some money for our education. Lucy’s parents were not exactly well-off, and the recent crack in my relationship with my parents caused them to all but shun me completely. So I was currently working full-time at my local McDonald’s in order to pay the bills and save up some cash. Glamorous, I know. 

Within twenty minutes we were parked at our go-to mall. Lucy insisted on dragging me into every clothing shop there was, although we left them all empty-handed. “Ah,” she sighed as we finally left the 8th store. “The joys of being poor and miserable.” I chuckled along with her, but bumped my hip into hers encouragingly. “Trust me. Once you’ve gotten an education and a stable career, you can buy as many band-tees as your heart desires,” I teased, which caused her to roll her eyes. “Or once I’ve married a rich band-member…” she mumbled before dragging me towards a Starbucks located in the middle of the mall. “What do you want?” she asked with her gaze fixed on the menu behind the baristas. At the thought of food my mouth started salivating as I hadn’t had any breakfast, but I swallowed harshly before waving her off. “Nothing. I had a huge breakfast,” I lied, but Lucy didn’t seem to have any objections. “I’ll go find us a table.” 

I located an empty table in the very back of the café, where I hooked my arms around my knees while waiting for my friend to return. She did so only minutes after with a frappuccino and a muffin in hand. “I forgot to tell you something,” she said giddily after scooting onto the couch across from me. I raised my eyebrows curiously and waited for her to take a sip of her drink. “Tina’s got a boyfriend.” Excitement practically radiated off of her body, but the sparkle in her eyes quickly faded at my lack of enthusiastic response. “That’s great! But, uh… Why are you so excited about that?” I asked with a chuckle. Tina was Lucy’s older sister, whom she loved dearly, and since I had spent so much time at their house throughout my life, Tina had become like a second sister to me, too. “He’s kinda famous,” she gushed, so thrilled that for a moment I wondered how she could forget to tell me something that obviously mattered so much to her in the first place. 

“Is that so?” I smiled, ripping off small pieces of the white napkin lying between us. “How famous? Like, Justin Bieber-famous or small-town choirboy-famous?” “Like, Black Veil Brides-famous.” The look on my face must have been comical, for Lucy burst into laughter and grabbed my hand to stop me from tearing apart the piece of paper in front of us. “Are you serious?” I asked after a few moments of wrapping my mind around what she just said. “Deadly.” Damn. How the hell did she manage to snatch one of them? It was a well-known fact that Lucy and I, and Tina for that matter, absolutely adored that band - not just for their obvious attractiveness, but for their music as well. “So, which one?” I asked curiously, though still taking precaution in case she was just messing with me. “CC.” I leaned back in my chair heavily while crossing my arms against my chest, a look of disbelief definitely still resting on my features. “You know, I’m gonna need proof for that,” I joked, bearing in mind that there was a slim chance of me getting to know the boy, even if they were actually dating. “You can come home with me tonight and see for yourself. He’s staying for dinner at our parents’ house,” she said nonchalantly, though the look in her eyes told me that she was eyeing my reaction closely. 

“Seriously?” “Yes. I’m just gonna have to ask my parents for permission, but you know they love you,” she smiled. For some reason unbeknownst to me, my heart picked up speed and my hands got slightly damp. As much as I would kill to meet any of the band-members, knowing myself, I would definitely make a fool out of myself in front of them. I would probably blush and stutter and trip, and then I would never see them again. Oh man. 

“Hey! Are you listening?” Lucy asked as she snapped her fingers in my face to gain my attention, a wide smile stretched across her face. “Huh?” I asked stupidly, completely oblivious to what she had been saying for the past few minutes. “I said,” she began with an eye-roll, “that you are more than welcome to join us for dinner.” Despite my reservations, I couldn’t help but grin as excitement began overpowering my nervousness, only slightly aware of the throbbing of my cracked lip. But then reality hit me, and I realized that I would have to eat with them. And knowing Lucy’s mother, she would not settle with a slimming salad. Then I guess I’ll just have to starve until tonight, I thought glumly. “This is gonna be fun!” Lucy exclaimed, finally finishing her drink and muffin. “Are you ready to go home?” I nodded enthusiastically as I picked up my bag and slung it over my shoulder. 

 

“Just be there at 18:30, alright?” she reminded me, to which I nodded. She smiled back at me and then sped down the street, leaving me to my thoughts. “Where have you been?” Nick asked as soon as I stepped through the door. He was leaning against the archway that led into the living room, trapping me against the front door. “I was out with Lucy, like I wrote on the note,” I sighed and made a move to walk past him, but he grabbed my shoulders and made sure I stayed put. “What note?” he asked, irritation clear in his body language, and with a sinking feeling in my stomach I realized that I forgot to write it. “And you’ve been ignoring my texts and calls,” he continued angrily as he pushed himself off the wall to advance on me. Oh fuck. “It must have been on sil-“ “I bet you’ve been with someone else,” he seethed. “After everything I have given you, even though you’re not worth a second of my life, you have the audacity to go and sleep around behind my back?!” Panic blossomed in my chest and was quickly pumping through my veins through my racing heart. “No, I swear, I-“ 

Once again he interrupted me, but this time with a slap. With nothing to hold on to, I staggered and almost fell to the floor. “Don’t lie to me!” he shouted before slapping me once again, causing searing white pain to overwhelm my senses. My eyes were watering, but I was determined to keep them at bay as I glanced at the ceiling. “I would never be with someone else! I love you!” I cried, backing up against the solid door behind me. Nick’s face was still flushed with anger, but his clenched fist remained at his side. “Fine. Let’s pretend I believe you. One more chance. You have one more chance before I kick your ass out of this goddamned apartment,” he cursed and finally turned around to storm off into the living room. When I was alone once more, I placed a calming hand on my racing heart, the other on my throbbing cheek. Fuck. Why am I such an idiot? 

With a final sniffle I went into the bathroom to assess the damage done to my face, in the hopes that I would still be able to make it to Lucy’s.


	3. Chapter 3

“Ah, fuck,” I hissed as my hand went to touch my tender cheek. It was still crimson and slightly swollen, so I decided to put an ice-pack on it until I had to get ready, in the hopes that it would calm down. Nick was sitting at the kitchen island and showed no indication that I was allowed to join him, so with a heavy heart I traipsed upstairs once more to wait. After an hour the swelling was completely gone, but a massive bruise had taken place instead. Luckily a heavy mask of foundation and concealer was able to cover it, and I forced a smile at my reflection in the mirror. My long, auburn hair was put into a high ponytail with my bangs swooping across my forehead, and for the occasion I had put on some bright red lipstick. “That’ll have to do,” I muttered before changing my t-shirt into a checkered flannel - there was no reason to be completely dolled up for an informal dinner with my friends and their parents (and a rockstar).

By the time I was done it was already 18:00, and sounds of rustling were coming from the kitchen, along with a mouth-watering smell of food. “Uh, baby?” I said gingerly while leaning against the doorframe, gazing at Nick as he flipped a piece of chicken in the pan. “Mhm?” he answered off-handedly, obviously too engrossed in what he was doing to pay attention to me. “I was invited over for dinner at Lucy’s place, so I’m gonna go…” He merely grunted, which I took as my cue to leave before slipping into my leather boots and grabbing my car-keys. I sent a quick text to Lucy to let her know I was on my way before backing out of the driveway and heading towards her parents’ house. 

 

“Amelia!” I was greeted happily before being enveloped in a tight hug by Lucy’s mother, Karen. “It’s been too long, sweetie,” she gushed as she ushered me into the living room. “Take a seat, dinner’s ready soon.” John, Karen’s husband, was slouched in his characteristic armchair while chatting with Lucy and Tina, who were both sat on the couch. “Hey, girl!” Tina exclaimed before jumping out of her comfortable position and hugging me. I couldn’t help but wince as she, too, squeezed my bruise, but hopefully my facial expression gave nothing away. “Amelia,” John nodded in recognition with a warm smile on his face. “John,” I mocked with a similar nod, which made him snort. “Always nice to have you.” Lucy giggled as she waved me over to the couch, where I slouched right next to her. “Don’t freak out too much. We don’t want him to flee the country,” she teased while bumping my shoulder with hers. I rolled my eyes. “Yeah, right.” 

A few minutes later, the actual CC emerged from the kitchen with his arm slung around Tina’s tiny shoulders. It took a lot of effort for me to not drop my jaw, but I could do nothing about my wide eyes. “See? I wasn’t kidding,” Lucy laughed. CC must have noticed me, for his smile grew wider as he made his way over to me. When he was standing right in front of me, he stuck his tattooed hand out for me to shake. “Hi. My name’s Christian, but you can call me CC,” he greeted. It was as though someone had stuck cotton in my mouth, ‘cause it was almost impossible for me to string together a sentence in this close proximity with an actual member of my favorite band. “My name’s Amelia,” I finally said as I shook his hand, thankfully not stuttering. I took a few moments to appreciate his exterior; his warpaint was obviously missing, and he was dressed in a pair of black washed-out skinny jeans and a grey baseball-tee. His signature bandana was wrapped around his forehead. “Kids! Husband! Food’s on the table!” Karen shouted from the dining area, causing Tina and Lucy to roll their eyes. “Fucking embarrassing,” Lucy muttered before grabbing my hand and dragging me with her to the table.

“Is that all you’re gonna eat?” Lucy whispered incredulously after we had all stocked our plates, mine being the least full. It mostly consisted of salad and a small piece of chicken, as I was still nervously eyeing the large amount of calories sitting on the table. Quickly conjuring a lie, I sighed playfully before whispering: “Nah, I’m saving my appetite for the dessert - you know I love your mother’s creme brûlée.” Her worries immediately dissipated and a smile overtook her face at the mentioning of dessert. “Yeah, you’re right. It’s pretty good.” Time flew by quite fast, with conversation being carried effortlessly by everyone at the table. CC was surprisingly cool - I’ll admit, I was expecting him to be a lot more big-headed, being a celebrity and all. But he was incredibly down to Earth, playing along with every joke and sarcastic comment that was exchanged during dinner. Naturally, Tina and him were being all cuddly with small kisses and intertwined fingers. Seeing their love so clearly out in the open actually made me envious of their relationship - Nick never did any of that with me anymore.

“So,” Karen began as she put down her utensils, “how are things with you and Nick?” I was snapped back into reality by her question and looked into her curious eyes briefly before casting them downwards once more. “Oh, uh, you know…” I said awkwardly, caressing my knife with the tip of my fingers. ”The boy treating you right?” John asked casually, slouched back in a comfortable position. Lucy rolled her eyes at his paternity, but a smile still tugged at her lips. “Yeah, of course,” I answered with a smile. The dinner felt heavy in my stomach, and I desperately sucked in my tummy constantly to hide the obvious bloating, but cramps kept clenching around the walls of my stomach. By the third time I had to swallow back the taste of bile in my throat, I reluctantly gave in to the urge that was threatening to crush me. 

“Excuse me,” I said with a forced smile as I headed towards the bathroom. No one seemed suspicious of my departure, as the conversation continued behind me. As soon as I had locked the door, I knelt in front of the toilet and threw up without the need to stick fingers down my throat. Before continuing, I turned on the faucet to drown out the gagging. The taste was horrendous and the painful clenching almost unbearable, but at the same time it felt oddly cathartic. When I was done, I felt clean. I felt empty. On trembling legs I stood to rinse my mouth, though the burning in my throat wouldn’t go away. A knock on the door gave me a tiny heart-attack. “Are you okay?” Lucy asked from the other side of the door. My heart sank. If she found out what I did, she would be just as disappointed as Nick. “Uh, yeah, I’m fine!” I yelled back nervously, mentally cursing my voice for cracking. I stepped out into the hallway and practically bumped into my friend, as she was standing so close. She was eyeing me suspiciously. “Are you sure?” she asked with narrowed eyes, and a light blush rose in my cheeks. “Yeah, just… Slight tummy-ache, you know,” I lied. 

Giving her no time to answer, I walked back into the dining area, where Tina and CC were currently leaving their seats. “You wanna join?” Tina asked while linking her arm with her boyfriend’s. “Where are you going?” “To the pool,” CC answered kindly, nodding towards the glass door that led to the backyard. Oh, not again. “Sure, as long as I don’t go underwater,” I said unsurely, but started getting nervous when I saw the weird look on Lucy’s face. “Why? You love swimming?” she asked, crossing her arms over her chest. Tina and CC had already headed outside, and I turned to face her. “Um… I’m just not in the mood.” She narrowed her eyes at me, but sighed before heading upstairs to change into her swimsuit. 

I stepped into the warm summer-air and immediately took off my shoes and socks, relishing in the feeling of the damp grass beneath my bare feet. Squeals and laughter was emitting from the pool, and I tentatively walked over there, staying clear of the water the lovebirds were splashing at each other. Despite my envy, I smiled at them messing around - it was obvious how in love they were. “Are you sure you don’t want to join? The water’s great!” Tina tried persuading me after emerging from the water, but I shook my head. “I’m good.” A smile broke out on both of their faces as they looked behind me, and I look at them weirdly. A second too late I heard the sound of hastily approaching footsteps, and before I could react, two hands forcefully pushed me into the pool.

‘No, no, no’ I thought as my soaked clothes dragged me towards the bottom. Chlorine-filled water made its way into my nose and eyes, and despite my reluctance, I instinctively reached the surface for air. I lowered my head in shame as I heard a few quiet gasps.

“What happened to your face?!”


	4. Chapter 4

“Uh, I… Uh,” I stammered, scrambling for an explanation while the three of them were staring at my cheek. “Did Nick do this?” Tina asked angrily as she came to gingerly touch my cheek. I, however, moved out of her reach before she got to me, shaking my head furiously. “What?! No, no, I… I got in a fight,” I lied. By the looks on their faces they were definitely not buying it. “You got in a fight?” Lucy asked disbelievingly, perching herself on the edge of the pool. CC was yet to say anything, thank God. “Yeah. I was drunk and got in a bar fight. You should see the other girl,” I chuckled nervously while swimming to the edge of the pool and clambering to sit next to Lucy. “And your arm, too!” Lucy exclaimed, staring wide-eyed at the not yet faded bruise. “Uh… Yeah,” I answered lamely while casting a nervous glance at Tina, who was yet to move from her position in the water. “Since when do you get into fights? And you’ve been acting strange this whole night as well!” Lucy probed. By now my heart was hammering so hard in my chest that the pounding echoed in my ears. 

“It was Nick, wasn’t it?” Tina concluded before finally climbing out of the pool to stand next to me. The look on her face broke my heart - she was absolutely angry with me. But I didn’t blame her; I was pretty sure everyone was mad at me in the world by now. I literally ruined everything I touched. With a sigh I gave into my defeat. “I’m gonna kill him!” Lucy shouted as she was about to get up. I held her by the arm to make her stay. “I’m sorry! Okay? I’m so sorry! It was all my fault,” I apologized with a trembling bottom lip. CC looked at me incredulously. “You’re sorry?” he asked forcefully, causing me to shrink away from him instantly. A fleeting look of regret passed his features before he continued: “No, I just mean, like… You have nothing to be sorry for! You have to be a pretty shitty person in order to hit a girl. No one deserves that.” He was lying. I knew I deserved it, just as Nick did, and I’m pretty sure they knew so, too. 

The mask of anger on Lucy’s face had faded into one of sadness, and soon I was enveloped in a cold, wet hug. “Break up with him. Right now,” she whispered into my ear, clutching me as though her life depended on it. “But it really was my fault,” I said quietly, melting into her embrace. She shook her head forcefully and pulled away to look at me. I winced as she grabbed my by the arm, and she quickly let go. “This could never be your fault, girl. He’s a piece of shit. If you don’t break up with him, I will do it for you.” The initial embarrassment and jitters had faded into full-blown shame. There was no way I could break up with Nick - he was my world. And he did treat me like I was his world, just… Not all of the time. Tina’s knees groaned as she bent down to be at eye-level with me. The seriousness of her gaze made a lump form in my throat. This was bad. This was really, really bad. 

“Amelia,” she started, brushing away a few strands of wet hair from my face. “I am being completely, 100 percent honest when I tell you this: you deserve better. So much better. In fact, I’m surprised that you are even considering staying with him after this. You deserve the world, and if he deals you this shit, you treat him like the dirtbag he is and break up with him. You hear me?” Her tone was grave, and by now I couldn’t hold back the tears anymore. All that kept echoing in my mind was a twisted version of her words: ‘You don’t deserve the world. You deserve nothing.’

“Come on,” Lucy urged as she brought me inside and gave me a towel to dry off and a pair of her sweatpants along with a random t-shirt. When I had changed and sat on her bed, she handed me my cell, which had been lying on the table in the dining area, where CC and Tina along with their parents were currently sitting. I had barely been able to convince them not to tell their parents anything - as long as I promised to break up with Nick. 

“Call him. Now.” I looked at her with tears in my eyes, and with a sigh she enveloped me in yet another hug. “Are you honestly telling me that you’d rather go home to more pain than be a free woman?” she asked me seriously, and with a heavy heart I shook my head. “But I love him…” I whispered, clutching my cellphone tightly. “I know. But this is what’s best for you,” she urged, rejecting me when I tried to give her back my cell. My finger hovered above his name in my contacts for a few seconds before I forced myself to press it. Lucy quickly put it on speaker, and I held it at arm’s reach away from me. Three long notes passed before he picked up. “Amelia,” he greeted, and my heart broke at the thought of what I was about to do. “Hey, Nick,” I whispered, momentarily preparing myself for what I was about to say. “I, uh… I don’t think we’re working out.” I winced as nothing but silence came from the other end. “What?” he said, this time more forcefully. I could do nothing but quiver as I continued with an encouraging nod from my friend. “I want to break up with you.” To my surprise a loud laughter broke through the speaker. “You?” he asked incredulously, pausing once more to regain his breath. “You want to break up with me?” I swallowed harshly before replying with a quiet ‘yes’. “Do you even know what you’re saying? What you’re throwing away?” 

This time anger had made its way into his voice. “Yes.” “You fucking idiot! After all I’ve fucking done for you! Are you seriously telling me that I’ve wasted my time with you for nothing?!” he yelled, and I sent Lucy a desperate glance to help me out. She merely shook her head and gestured for me to continue. “Yes.” His heavy breathing sounded for a few seconds before he said: “Fine. Come get your shit. You fucking piece of trash.” And then he hung up. Lucy gingerly took my phone and placed it on the nightstand before tugging me into yet another hug. Tears were running freely down my cheeks, and I wiped them away furiously. “I’m so proud of you,” she said quietly, but then pulled away to look into my eyes. “How long has he… You know?” I cast my eyes downwards and played with the black hairband on my wrist. There was no use in lying about anything now - I might as well get it all out there. Even though they wouldn’t understand that Nick wasn’t the one to blame. That was something I would personally have to deal with. “For the better half of our relationship,” I mumbled. The lump in my throat grew bigger and more painful as I thought back to how perfect our relationship was in the beginning, and how desperate I was for things to go back to how they were, to the point where I accepted being kicked and spat on. Lucy remained silent, and I knew that she was disappointed in me. Why wouldn’t she be?

“Do you want me to go get your stuff tomorrow?” she asked, to which I nodded gratefully. “I won’t let him touch you ever again,” she promised, and I sent her a small smile at her protectiveness. Her offer made me wonder what he would do to me when he saw me once again, and I shuddered at the thought. Yeah, it was probably best that she went. A sudden realization dawned upon me just as Lucy was about to get up. “But… Where am I gonna stay?” I asked stupidly, feeling a small pang in my chest at the thought of me not being able to stay at my parents’ house. Lucy looked at me as though I was stupid. “Here, obviously,” she said with an eye-roll. “And you’re beginning tonight. Movie-marathon?” A grateful smile made its way onto my face through my tears, and I nodded my head. “Movie-marathon.”

 

Within half an hour Lucy and Tina’s parents had gone to bed, and the four of us were sat in front of the TV in the living room surrounded by blankets and pillows and bowls of popcorn. As the opening credits for Tangled ran across the screen, CC let out a grunt of disapproval. “You’re gonna kill me, I swear.” 

 

Two and a half Disney-movies later, everyone was asleep but me. Tina and CC were cuddled up to each other underneath a heap of blankets, and Lucy had eventually crawled onto the couch and fallen asleep there. I felt immensely guilty at the thought of staying at their parents’ house and spending their resources, but kept getting waved off by the sisters. Although Tina didn’t live at home anymore, she still spent a great amount of time at her parents’ house, since they had always been incredibly close. Yet another thing I envied. But I shook my head at myself - I had friends, great friends even, and that was all that mattered. When I was with them, I was okay. They would hold me together. And they would, hopefully, keep my demons at bay.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Alright, so... Do you like this story? Feedback would be immensely appreciated.


	5. Chapter 5

I awoke to a soft patting on my cheek, which I lazily swatted away while rolling onto my other side to continue sleeping. A deep chuckle met my ears, and after rubbing the sleep out of my eyes, I glanced up at the intruder, only to be face to face with the actual Ashley Purdy. “Woah!” I breathed, scrambling backwards a few inches. He was squatting next to me, wearing his signature black leather pants, vest and combat boots while eyeing me with a small, sad smile on his face. “Your friends told me to wake you up, so…” he trailed off before grabbing my hand and pulling me to my feet along with him. I hastily ran my hands through my tangled hair and rubbed underneath my eyes to get rid of any makeup, suddenly hyperaware of my appearance - although there was nothing I could do about the fading bruises, since I hadn’t brought my makeup. He shook his head with a chuckle and gestured me to follow him into the dining area, where Lucy, Tina and CC were already situated.  
“Morning, sleeping beauty,” Tina teased as she offered me a glass of orange juice, which I politely declined. “Sleep well?” CC asked, slinging his arm around the blushing brunette. “Yeah, fine,” I mumbled, still sending incredulous glances between him and Ashley, my mind somehow still unable to wrap itself around the fact that two members of my favorite band were within arm’s reach. “So,” Lucy said before leaning back into her chair, “I asked CC if he and a friend could help me move your stuff out of the apartment, since, you know…” The mentioning of Nick brought a sour taste to my tongue, but I swallowed it back with the intention of focusing on the pain I would be spared without him. “And look who volunteered!” Tina joked while waving her jazz-hands in Ashley’s face, to which he rolled his eyes. “I already texted him to have your stuff packed and ready, so we shouldn’t be long. Tina will be staying here with you, keeping you company,” Lucy added before nodding to the guys as an indication for them to get going. “Thanks, guys,” I said with a forced smile, and CC mock-bowed, where Ashley went over to squeeze my shoulders. “No problem.” 

Ten minutes later they were gone and Tina and I were still chatting at the dinner table. “Where are your parents?” I asked curiously, which merely caused her to shrug indifferently. “Dunno. Probably out shopping or something.” “Huh.” A comfortable silence enveloped the both of us, and for a few moments it was broken only by the ticking of a grandfather clock in the corner. “You know,” Tina began as she folded her arms on the table and leant over it, “You can tell me if something is bothering you, right?” Her tone was casual, but her eyes held earnest. “Yeah, sure. ‘f course.” She didn’t seem satisfied with my reply, and a sigh escaped my lips at the thought of yet another argument. I honestly didn’t think I would be able to handle being yelled at much longer. “I’ve noticed something about you, besides the obvious bruises,” she continued bluntly, causing my eyes to snap up to her level. An endless amount of possibilities ran through my head at the speed of light, swarming my mind to the point of dizziness. At my lack of reply, she continued further: “You ran out at dinner yesterday. And you didn’t have breakfast today. And, to be honest, you seem to have lost quite a lot of weight.” Her voice faded to a murmur at the end, and I slumped in my chair, breathing out a sigh of relief. That was it? My diet?

“Thank you,” I smiled, feeling my spirit being physically lifted at the thought of her noticing my tiny weight-loss. Tina furrowed her brows and opened her mouth to answer, but I beat her to it. “It’s just a diet I’ve been on for a month or so,” I continued, curling the cuffs of Lucy’s sweater into my palms. “I wanted to be in a better shape and lose a few pounds, so don’t worry.” The crease in her forehead smoothed out a bit, but she kept her eyes locked on mine, to the point where my confidence slowly dissolved into practically nothing. It was chilling. “I believe you,” she soothed as she grabbed my hands in her own, lightly stroking her thumb over the back of my hand, “I just want you to tell me if something’s wrong at any point, alright? No matter what, no matter how small. I’m always there for you.” A thick lump formed in my throat at her kind words, and a chill ran down my spine at the realization of how long it had been since someone showed such interest and care for me. I merely nodded my head, whispering a ‘thank you’. “Anytime,” she winked, quickly causing the tense atmosphere in the room to dissipate. 

 

By the time Lucy and the boys were back, Tina and I were sprawled across Lucy’s bed, scrolling through Tumblr together while listening to Bring Me The Horizon. Their animated voices resonated against the walls upstairs, and the two of us exchanged a brief glance of confusion. “I swear, I’m gonna kill him,” Lucy’s muffled voice grumbled from downstairs, and Tina rubbed my back comfortingly as a heavy sigh escaped my lips once again. Great. Before long, heavy footsteps were heard coming up the carpeted stairs, and within seconds Lucy kicked the door open, muttering angrily to herself. Ashley and CC followed her through the door awkwardly, lingering in the door opening a second too long. “What did he do?” Tina asked curiously at the same time as Ashley mumbled: “Bring Me The Horizon? Seriously?” I rolled my eyes playfully at his comment. 

Lucy pulled at her hair in frustration before replying: “He just went on and on about what a fucking whore Amelia is and how she deserves nothing of what he gave to her.” Her exclamation stung as hard as a slap would have done, and it took great effort for me to keep tears from springing to my eyes. “Which isn’t true, obviously,” Ashley said seriously as he took in the look on my face. “He’s a piece of shit,” CC added, which caused a choked chuckle to emit from my throat. “Ashley almost punched him,” Lucy said with a smile as she bumped her hip into his. “Too bad CC held him back.” CC raised his hands in surrender with an innocent look on his face. “I just don’t believe in violence, man.” 

The playful banter continued for a few minutes, before Ashley’s phone buzzed and he went outside to answer the call. A couple of minutes later he returned with a small smile on his face. “Is anyone up for partying tonight?” he asked hopefully, clasping his hands together in poorly concealed excitement. “Hell yes!” CC exclaimed, before shooting a pleading look at his girlfriend. “Please?” Tina laughed at his begging, while Ashley rolled his eyes, quietly mumbling ‘“not whipped” my ass’. “You wanna come with?” Lucy asked hopefully, not bothering to conceal her excitement the way Ashley had. “Uh…” I stalled, mentally weighing my options. 

It had been ages since the last time I partied, since Nick always insisted on staying at home or going to clubs with his friends alone. And I did have work tomorrow, but exchanging shifts was incredibly easy when working in a fast-food restaurant. Since the pros outweighed the cons, I agreed with a smile on my face. Maybe getting shit-faced was exactly what I needed to get my mind off of Nick. “Yes!” Ashley cheered, although quickly adding a small detail that he had left out. “That was Jinxx on the phone, by the way. The rest of the boys are gonna be there, I think.” My heart basically leaped into my throat at the thought of getting to meet the rest of the band. Luckily no one seemed to notice the starstruck look on my face. “We’ll all just meet up here to drink before heading downtown. Sounds cool?” Ashley asked, to which everyone immediately agreed. 

 

When the boys finally left, Tina and Lucy were both scrambling around, trying to find their absolute sexiest outfits for the night out, although Tina’s was more for CC than anyone else. “We’re gonna get you dolled up, girl, and then you’re gonna forget that that dirtbag has ever existed!” Lucy exclaimed happily, before eyeing me up and down for a second. I shied away from her scrutinizing gaze, and she rolled her eyes at me. “But maybe you should take a shower first.”


	6. Chapter 6

After gaining Lucy’s approval after changing from three different outfits into a basic black dress, we were ready to go downstairs. Tina had pulled out all kinds of liquor from the cabinets, ranging from cider and beer to vodka and Jack. CC and Ashley were the first to arrive, as expected, and before long we were sat on the floor in the living room sipping our beers while Ashley headbanged to AC/DC in the background. Jinxx was the next to arrive with two bottles in hand followed by Jake. My body was practically exploding from being so starstruck, but it quickly dissipated as the atmosphere turned electric with the buzz that was running through everyone due to the alcohol. I had already had two beers and a shot of vodka, as requested by Lucy, and my head was slowly getting lighter. By the time Andy finally showed up, my mind couldn’t quite register it through its alcohol-induced daze and the thumping music in the background. It was only when he reached to shake my hand that his presence occurred to me, and for a second I found myself breathless as I glanced up into his cerulean eyes. 

“I’m Andy!” he shouted over the music as he shot me a smile. I was merely dumbfounded, nodding my head with wide eyes. Despite the buzz, my mind was able to register the fact that I was supposed to counter the introduction, and with only a minor slur, I was able to say: “Amelia.” He chuckled deeply at my slight intoxication, but before I had the time to blush, he had already moved on to bro-hug the others. A tap on my shoulder finally forced me to tear my gaze away from him, and I turned my head to find Lucy staring at me, gesturing to a pack of cigarettes in her hand. “Wanna come?” she asked, and I eagerly nodded at the thought of fresh air.

 

I sighed in content as the cool summer’s breeze swept across my heated features. Lucy lit a cigarette and handed it to me, obviously deeming me too buzzed to handle a lighter. “Thanks,” I mumbled before inhaling deeply and relishing in the slight burn in my throat. The music was only slightly muffled through the glass-door, and the sound of vigorous laughter caused my heart to leap in content. It had been so long since I had been with friends like this, surrounded by laughter and alcohol, and for a split second I found myself wondering whether leaving Nick was such a horrible decision. My train of thought, however, was broken when the door slid open and Andy stepped through, running a hand through his hair. “Mind if I join?” he asked, his voice resonating even deeper with the absence of noise. “Not at all,” Lucy replied casually, sending a discreet wink in my direction. For what reason, I didn’t know. 

With practiced ease, Andy pulled out a cigarette and lit it between his lips before tilting his head and exhaling towards the sky. For a moment I found myself transfixed on the way his Adam’s apple protruded proudly, and the way his nose-ring glinted in the moonlight. He was absolutely gorgeous. I immediately looked away when he turned his head towards me. “Wanna get absolutely wasted tonight?” Lucy asked enthusiastically, tightening the grip on her can of cider to the point where small indents started forming. He chuckled before stubbing his cigarette. “Absolutely.”

 

“Shots, shots, shots!” everyone shouted excitedly as Tina and I stood next to each other with six shots in front of us each. My stomach started churning at the thought of the massive hangover I was destined to experience in the morning, but with resoluteness I pushed the thought away and focused on the challenge at hand. A few hours after we had walked back inside, everyone started challenging each other to drink. Everyone had had at least five shots and a few beers, and people were already rolling around on the floor laughing with one another. “Go!” Ashley yelled as he started the timer on his phone. The first shot burned like hell. So did the second one. The third one caused me to gag. The fourth one burned slightly less. And the fifth and sixth ones might as well have been water. “And we have a winner!” Ashley proclaimed with pride as he held up my hand, while I used the other one to wipe my mouth of the sticky liquid. “Time to go?” I asked with a slur while squinting my overly sensitive eyes at the harsh light from the ceiling. Tina laughed, but agreed to call a cab to take us downtown nonetheless. 

When we arrived at a random bar, everyone immediately split up. CC and Tina went to the bar while Ashley headed straight towards a bunch of beautiful girls sat in a booth by the window. I rolled my eyes (to the best of my ability) with a smile. Jake and Jinxx went to the dance floor, and then it was just Lucy, Andy and I. Lucy was barely able to stand on her feet without swaying, and I wasn’t much better. “I wanna go back outside,” she whined before tugging me along, and I barely managed to grab Andy before we went stumbling through the door. “What did you do that for?” Andy asked through his intoxicated laughter. Without replying, Lucy immediately slid down to sit on the curb where she started rummaging through her purse with flailing hands, reemerging with her pack of cigarettes along with a lighter within seconds. “‘f course,” I chuckled, frowning when I realized how hard that was for me to say. It was as though my tongue had swollen to twice its size and I had no way of controlling my words. Without warning, Andy grabbed my arm and tugged me down to sit beside him, where he had joined Lucy. 

My lack of balance caused me to practically fall into his lap, and I erupted into a fit of giggles that infected Lucy, who was barely able to hold her newly acquired cigarette. “Lemme get that for you,” Andy slurred slightly before lighting it for her and then one for himself. With my usual barrier of shyness completely eradicated due to the alcohol, I reached to grab the cigarette out of his hand. I took a long drag before handing it back to him, and as I did he shot me the most beautiful smile I had ever seen. “Man, I’m wasted,” Lucy sighed happily before leaning back to lie down completely. “Same,” Andy mumbled around his cigarette. My dazed mind suddenly realized that I was still thrown casually across his lap, but as soon as I felt his hands lazily running through my hair, I decided that I was fine just the way I was. Despite the sensation that I was practically falling off of the face of the Earth, the atmosphere was incredibly calming. The silence of the night was disturbed only slightly by the muffled music behind us, and the chilly breeze cooled my warm body. 

It felt as though we had been there for hours, though in reality it was probably more like twenty minutes. Lucy leaving had for some reason completely missed my attention, and I was surprised to see that it was only the two of us left. Suddenly feeling a bit awkward without the presence of my best friend, I went to sit beside him instead, but Andy’s hand immediately went to push me down again. “No, stay.” His words surprised me, but I obviously had no objections. I only turned to sit up against his chest instead of across his lap, and felt the utmost comfort when I tilted my head back to rest against his shoulder. The smell of leather mixed with his cologne was more intoxicating than any kind of alcohol would ever be, and for a moment I closed my eyes and relished in it. All thoughts of Nick that had passed through my mind during the last 24 hours had come to a complete halt, and for the time being it was as though he had never existed. 

Suddenly Andy’s arm encircled my waist and pulled me closer to his chest. A blush crept over my face as I realized that he could probably feel my heart race against my ribcage. When he finally stubbed his last cigarette, he leaned his head down to rest against my own. “Are you still drunk?” he murmured deeply, the vibrations of his voice sending chills down my spine. “A little bit,” I answered as I turned my head to face him. “Why?” A shy smile spread across his face, and I found myself marveling at his absolute beauty once more. “Because I want to do this.”

And then he kissed me. It wasn’t forceful or needy, and there wasn’t even a lot of pressure. He merely pressed his soft lips against my own in a chaste kiss, and yet my stomach clenched deliciously as my heart sped up. “Alright?” he asked as he pulled away slightly with his lips still hovering above my own. I could only nod at a complete loss for words before leaning up to capture his lips in yet another kiss.


	7. Chapter 7

The first thing I felt was an incessant pounding in my head. The blood was rushing in my ears and my entire body felt ill and heavy. As soon as I dared open my eyes, they were immediately forced shut once again by the harsh lighting that felt like a knife slicing through my brain. “Fuck,” I moaned, clutching my forehead and finding instant relief through my freezing palms. A stirring movement to my left caught my attention, and through narrowed eyes I saw Andy sleeping soundly next to me, clutching a pillow. My heart rate was elevated within seconds, and a sudden rush of nausea caused bile to rise in my throat. I barely made it to the bathroom before vomiting every ounce of alcohol that stirred in my stomach until I was dry-heaving. I kneeled in front of the toilet for a little while longer, relishing in the cold tiles beneath me, before flushing and brushing my teeth. The acid still burned the back of my throat, and I gulped down two aspirins to keep the headache at bay. 

When I entered the living room everyone but Andy and Ashley were already scattered on the couches, appearing to be suffering through the various stages of their hangovers. Nobody bothered greeting me as I slid down next to Tina and wrapped my arms around my stomach. “I feel so bad,” Lucy mumbled into the cushion she was currently hugging in front of her, while Jake and Jinxx hummed in agreement. “I’m never drinking again,” Jake groaned as he rubbed his hands across his face. We sat like that for a good half hour, merely whining and pitying ourselves, before footsteps could be heard trudging slowly down the stairs. “Jesus Christ,” Andy moaned when he walked into the living room. His hair was disheveled and his face pale, but of course he was able to pull off looking like a living corpse. “Am I the only one feeling like shit?” he mumbled in a voice thick with sleep before slouching into the couch beside CC. Everyone shook their heads, but obviously regretted it as they clutched them with a pained look on their faces. 

“What’s for breakfast?” Jinxx asked suddenly, causing everyone but me to perk up at the mentioning of food. “Dunno,” Tina shrugged. “Go look in the pantry.” All the boys immediately shot up and practically ran to the kitchen, while the rest of us rolled our eyes. They ended up cooking some eggs and toast, and an overwhelming sense of nausea hit me once more as I eyed the enormous amount of calories set out on the table. I timidly slid into the last available chair next to Andy and grabbed a dry piece of toast, which I began nibbling on while effortless conversation started around the table. Most of the night was a blur to me, but as I glanced at Andy, a certain memory sparked in my mind. I kissed him. Or rather, he kissed me. Blood instantly flooded to my cheeks and tainted them pink, but I willed the blush down before anyone noticed. He probably didn’t remember. Hell, I barely even remembered. Besides, he wouldn’t want to be with someone like me.

“Where’s Ashley?” Lucy asked curiously once everyone was done eating. “He went home with some chick, obviously,” CC laughed before high-fiving Jinxx who was sat next to him. Tina rolled her eyes, but with a fond smile still on her face as she gazed at her boyfriend. “I’m gonna go take a shower,” I mumbled as I scooted out of the chair and went to the bathroom upstairs. Once in there, I stared at myself in the mirror. My hair was tangled and greasy, my eyes tired and I generally looked plain awful. I winced at the thought of the boys seeing me in a state like this, although they weren’t much better. Then my gaze traveled from my face to my body. Although I had been restricting my intake of calories, I saw no difference at all, which almost made me cry. But I clenched my jaw along with my fists as I turned away from the mirror. “I’m just gonna have to try harder.”

 

The boys stayed the entire day, to my surprise, and even Ashley came back to hang with us. Since no one was up for drinking two days in a row, we settled with watching movies and playing the Xbox that Ashley had brought. By the time it was 11 pm most people were asleep, and I snuck upstairs to get my running gear. “Where are you going?” Lucy asked just as I finished tying the laces of my shoes. “Just going for a run,” I answered as I shrugged on my jacket and plugged my earphones into my phone. If a diet alone wasn’t gonna help, exercise definitely would. “This late?” She looked at me skeptically, but I waved her off right before opening the door, thus cutting off any response she might have had. “I’ll be safe!”

The air was cool and the pavement rough beneath my feet. Lost It All was blasting in my ears, drowning out the sound of my thumping heartbeat and labored breaths. I ran until my legs gave out, forcing me to lean against the brick wall beside me to catch my breath. Acid was pumping through my veins and lungs, and a smile tugged at my lips at the thought of all the calories I was burning. Within seconds my earbuds were ripped forcefully out of my ears, and with surprise I glanced up into the eyes Adam; one of Nick’s best friends. He looked angry, and it took me a few seconds to realize that my feet had carried me into town, and the wall I was leaning against belonged to the pub we went to last night. “Uh, hi,” I greeted nervously, pushing myself further into the wall to create a larger distance between us. He, however, stepped closer. “I heard you broke up with Nick,” he said, accusation lingering between every word. I swallowed loudly, praying that he wouldn’t do anything to me. “Yeah. It just…” He quickly grabbed me by my shoulders and slammed me into the wall. “… wasn’t working out,” I wheezed, suddenly overcome with dizziness as the air was knocked out of my lungs. 

“Who the fuck do you think you are?” he spat. I closed my eyes tightly as he brought his face closer to mine. Surprisingly, he didn’t reek of alcohol. He was just very, very mad. I had no idea what to answer, so I remained quiet. For a second I contemplated calling Lucy, but there was no way they could get here soon enough. “Fucking answer me!” he shouted, right before he was forcefully pulled away from me. “What the-“ Adam’s question was cut off by a punch to the jaw that had him stumbling to the ground. My feet were rooted to the spot by my shaking knees, and I slowly turned to look at whoever was currently beating the shit out of Adam. It was Andy. And he looked furious. 

After the last kick to the stomach, he spat on him. “If you ever come close to her again, I will personally kill you.” Adam didn’t reply - the only indication that he was still alive was the subtle rise and fall of his chest. “Come on,” Andy mumbled as he grabbed my arm and tugged me with him to the car parked on the other side of the street. Once seated inside, he turned to look at me. “Are you alright?” I merely nodded, completely at a loss for words. The recent events had barely had any time to fully register in my brain, and I was even more confused by the fact that Andy was here with me, which caused me to voice my question. He lit the cigarette dangling between his lips quickly before answering. “Lucy was afraid that something would happen to you, and when you hadn’t returned an hour later, she woke me up to come look for you.” Had it really been that long? Without allowing me any time to answer, he continued: “And I’m glad that I did. What the hell were you thinking?” He turned to look at me with furrowed brows, and I instinctively scooted closer to the door. His scolding tone broke my heart, and I mentally cursed myself for upsetting not only Andy, but Lucy as well. Why did I always ruin everything? 

Andy looked confused at my retreating motion, but continued nonetheless. “It’s fucking midnight, and you were running around alone! Even I wouldn’t do that, and I’m a fucking idiot.” I snorted at his last comment, which instantly lightened the mood. Andy’s scowl softened to a small smile, and he reached to touch my arm gently with his free hand. “We consider you our friend, and we just don’t want anything to happen to a friend of ours. Alright?” My stomach sank when he called me his “friend”, but I still forced a small smile onto my face. Maybe he didn’t remember. Or maybe he regretted it. Either way, he confirmed what I already knew. I wasn’t good enough for him. I wasn’t good enough for anybody.


	8. Chapter 8

The beginning of the ride home was silent, save from the generic rock music playing quietly in the background - a CD which Andy had slid in once the silence between us became too heavy. A dull ache seemed lodged in my ribcage, painfully thumping alongside my pulse, leaving a cool tiredness to cling to my bones. Whether it was from the exercise or life in general, I didn’t know. For the most part I kept my eyes trained out of the window, although my subconscious urged me to throw a couple of slanted glances in his direction and drink in his defined features, lit up by the dingy yellow light cast by the street lamps. A few times his gaze met mine, and he shot me a small smile. 

At the third simultaneous glance his pale, slender hand reached to turn down the volume. A tiny jolt shot through my body as his voiced sliced through the now silent air. “I’m sorry for going off on you like that,” he apologized once again, though his voice lacked no sincerity. A strained smile crossed my face briefly, and I waved him off without a reply. “I’m not mad, you know. You can talk to me. Have a conversation, like people normally do during car rides,” he added with a wink that accentuated his smile so perfectly, it somehow eradicated the protective barrier I had put up between him and I. “Oh yeah?” I asked, my voice surprisingly steady. “What do you want to talk about?” A small voice nagged in the back of my skull, telling me to shut the hell up, that he didn’t really want to talk to me, but the rational part of me decided to take a metaphorical dive into the conversation. It was out of my comfort zone, but it felt good. 

Andy shrugged off-handedly, although his eyes soon lit up with the promise of an idea. “We could get to know each other. Ask questions and all that, you know?” I lifted an eyebrow in curiosity, but quickly decided to just roll with it. “Alright. Uh… Favorite color?” He rolled his eyes before sending me a brief reprimanding glance that had me blushing and smiling sheepishly simultaneously. Had anyone else sent me a similar glance, I would have retreated back into myself out of shame, but Andy managed to make it playful and encouraging. The tip of his tongue darted out to moisten his lips before he replied, and for a few seconds I found my gaze transfixed on the way his lip ring caught the light. “You can do better than that. What about… Music? What music do you like?” A smirk tugged at the corner of my lips, and I made a point to take an exaggerated look at a metaphorical watch on my wrist. “How much time do we have?” To my surprise, his deep, gorgeous laugh rang out through the silence of the car, and I felt the vibrations of his voice all the way from my spine to my heart-beat. I wouldn’t mind if that was the only sound I would ever hear for the rest of my life. It was gorgeous. 

“Alright, alright. Genre then. Have you listened to our band?” he snooped as he briefly turned to look at me, while still managing to pay attention to the road. “Lucy said you were kinda starstruck when you heard about Tina and CC,” he added with a wiggle of his eyebrows. Heat rushed to my face, and I turned to look out of the window shyly. Despite him being able to coax me out of my shell, I was quick to retreat back into my safe haven. “Uh, you know… I’m a fan,” I answered lamely. In the silence that followed, I reprimanded myself for being such a chicken, and with a newfound (albeit rocky) confidence, I cautiously ventured into the unfamiliar territory again. A solemn look rested upon Andy’s features when I looked up, and he nodded slowly, in an understanding fashion. A wide smile stretched across my face. “Look in the glove department. I’ve got some CD’s in there.” My hands fumbled with the latch in the darkness for a few moments before I heard the satisfying click. A pile of CD’s lay messily scattered, and I grabbed the first one without glancing at the cover, and slid it in the player. 

My eyebrows rose in surprise as the first chords of The Outcasts spilled through the speakers, and I turned to see a cocky smile on Mr. Biersack’s face. “You listen to your own music when you drive?” I asked curiously. “I am quite full of myself, I must admit,” he joked. An unattractive snort made its way out of my mouth, and I covered my face in shame. Cold fingers reached out to pry my hands apart, and I soon heard his deep voice. “No, don’t do that. You’re beautiful when you blush,” he mumbled. The amount of blood in my cheeks all but tripled at his voice, and I slowly removed my hands to place them in my lap where I awkwardly played with my fingers. Andy didn’t seem bothered by his own comment at all, and began humming along with the song in the background. A silence enveloped us once again, but this time it was comfortable. 

“I’m not tired at all,” he said suddenly as we were at a red stop a few blocks from Tina’s house. I tucked my feet underneath my body to be in a more comfortable position before I turned to look at him. “Is that so?” He hummed deeply in agreement, and I closed my eyes to revel in the soft sound. “Would you mind if we just… Parked somewhere and chilled?” I opened an eye to look at him, and to my surprise, he seemed uncertain. As if his confidence had stopped flowing through his veins for the briefest moment. So I made myself more comfortable and slid off my shoes before replying: “That would be cool.”

 

Andy pulled into a practically empty parking lot a few moments later, where he pulled the key from the ignition and clicked off his seatbelt, prompting me to do the same. Their CD was still playing softly in the background as he reached into the pocket of his leather jacket and pulled out his pack of cigarettes. “Want one?” he offered, and in my moment of weakness, I accepted. “Thanks,” I mumbled around it before he lit it up for me. For a few minutes we relished in the relaxed silence, only broken by the muted burning of the cigarettes at our inhalations. My joints were slightly aching from the way my legs were overlapping, and Andy must have sensed my discomfort, for he grabbed one of my ankles and pulled it onto his lap, followed by the other. So now I was stretched across the two seats with my back against the window, and it was the most comfortable position I had been in in a while. “Well, this is nice,” I mumbled with a smile, suddenly overcome with a drowsiness that clung tightly to my bones. “It is,” he agreed quietly. 

His free hand started going in absentminded circles on my shin, and I all but fell asleep at the motion. A chuckle reached my ears once again, but I was too tired to blush. After a final drag of my cigarette, I threw it out of the window and nestled myself into a little ball. “Hey, don’t fall asleep on me,” he murmured, although his voice sounded just as tired as mine. “I thought you said you weren’t tired?” I asked, followed by a yawn. “Well, I wasn’t this comfortable before.” My voice had given up on me, so I merely nodded, already half-asleep. Through my blurry eye-sight I could make out the time on the fluorescent light on his dashboard. It was 1:04 a.m. A few of Andy’s joints popped as he stretched, and the engine rumbled to life as he turned the key in the ignition. I tried to stay awake, but the alluring sense of sleep was too heavy. With my feet still in his lap, I succumbed to the peaceful darkness. 

 

I was half-asleep when Andy picked me up. His familiar, comfortable scent invaded my senses, and I instinctively tucked myself closer into his chest, feeling its vibrations as a chuckle brewed in his chest. His strides were long and steady, most likely as to not wake me, and I closed my eyes until we were in my temporary room once again. With a strained sense of calm, he placed me onto the cool mattress, where I immediately wrapped myself in the soft comforter. As he turned to leave, my sleep-muddled brain could no longer be held accountable for its actions, and I reached out to him and beckoned him to sleep next to me. Whether it was appropriate or not, I didn’t know. I didn’t really care. I just didn’t want to sleep alone. It took him a mere few seconds to make up his mind, before his leather jacket slid to the floor. While still dressed in jeans and a t-shirt, he climbed in next to me. 

As the gentleman he was, he kept a respectable distance, but I slowly migrated closer and closer, seeking the warmth he emitted, until I was enveloped in his arms once again. “G’night,” I mumbled into the fabric of my pillow. Andy placed a soft kiss at the crown of my head before tightening his grip around me. “Goodnight.”


	9. Chapter 9 pt 1

The next week went by in a blur. I could no longer put off work nor my hunt for an apartment, and the boys left the morning after Andy picked me up, to go work at the studio, so the days lacked the already familiar air of jokes and laughter. Although Tina and CC’s goodbye was the most mushy and cringe-worthy scene I had observed in my entire life, it was slightly cute. Even if I had to convince Tina that they were only going away for a few weeks and not going to war. My mood hadn’t been the same - the constant tiredness in my heavy limbs and the perpetual gnawing hunger in my gut simultaneously urged my habits on and set me on edge. And to top it off, my guilt increased exponentially the more I stayed at their house instead of my own, no matter how many times my apologies were waved off. 

I had picked up a new habit of going for a run every morning before work - a habit strangely frowned upon by everyone else in the household. If I had a dollar each time Karen asked me to “at least have some toast” before work, I would be rich. Lunch was easily skipped at work, with only a bottle of water and maybe an apple if I was exceptionally hungry, but dinner was the hard part. I alternated between sneaking bits of food into my napkin and lying about having a big lunch at work. 

On the morning of the sixth day, just as I was lacing up my running shoes, Lucy knelt to my level to gain my attention. “Holy shit,” I exclaimed when jumping up in shock, thoroughly surprised at her sudden intrusion. She rolled her eyes as she leaned against the wall next to me, suspiciously quiet. “Uh… Good morning?” I greeted, my tone wavering, as I reached to grab my jacket. Her gaze practically seared my skin, and I shuffled uncomfortably on the spot. “I know what you’re up to,” she said after a few moments of silence, launching my heart into my throat. Despite the cold sweat breaking through my skin, I managed to seem at least slightly cool and send her a questioning look. “I don’t know what you-“ My would-have-been ramble was luckily cut off by John, who dragged his feet tiredly into the hallway, briefcase in hand and glasses perched on the bridge of his nose. His bleary eyes crinkled as he yawned before greeting us. “Morning, girls.” We mumbled our replies quietly, and while John shrugged on his coat and struck up at casual conversation between him and Lucy, I seized my opportunity to slip through the front door unnoticed. I immediately broke into a jog and didn’t stop for another half hour.

Work was generic as always, although a few coworkers commented on how pale and tired I looked, but when I sent them a pointed glare, they quickly scuffled off to somewhere else. After a few incidents, several seemed to make a point to avoid me and my air of irritation completely. 

When I finally parked in my temporary driveway, I sat behind the wheel for almost ten minutes, staring blankly through the windshield, slouched back into my seat. I had no energy, nor desire, to get out of the car, and it was only when Tina walked to the car with a worried look resting on her face that I was dragged out and into the house. She held my gaze silently, her brows furrowed in concern, as we sat alone at the dinner table. “Milly,” she began, and I bit my tongue at the ridiculous nickname. “What’s going on with you?” My gaze was fixated on the way my fingers tapped the table impatiently, and all I wanted was to climb the stairs to the sanctuary of my room. “I’m fine,” I snapped. The edges of her mouth descended into a frown, and she reached to put her hand on top of my own to seize my motion. “You don’t seem fine,” she probed, but when I sent her a blank stare, she lifted her hands in mock surrender. “I’m just worried about you.” I nodded mutely, although my lack of blinking had my eyes dampening. When the first tear fell from my eye, tracing its way down my cheek, I wiped it away angrily. 

A whirlwind of emotions was raging inside of me, each individual emotion fighting their way to the surface. Irritation and stress were constant, only adding to the tiredness weighing heavy in my body, but sadness had been lurking beneath the surface the entire day, and I wasn’t about to let it take over. “You don’t have to be.” My voice was meant to remain steady and convincing, but it cracked. In pure agitation, I stood abruptly and traced the steps to my room, ignoring Tina as she called for me to come back. The springs creaked under my weight as I threw myself onto the mattress and buried my head into the cool pillow. The door was closed and unlocked, but Tina was too polite to intrude. And despite my efforts not to, I cried. My shoulders shook as I sobbed into the pillow, dampening it with my tears. All of my frustration, irritation and sadness had bubbled to the surface, finally becoming too much for me to handle. 

I knew I was a bad person. I knew I didn’t deserve the kindness of the ones around me, and when I wanted to just make myself smaller, to take up less of their space, I couldn’t even do that. My mood hurt everyone around me, and for a split second I contemplated just ending it all. But that thought was gone as fast as it had surfaced - a combination of me being a pussy and not wanting Tina, Lucy and their parents to find me up here in a pool of my own blood. Despite the allurement of the peace and quiet death would provide, I could only have the next best thing. Sleep. 

…

To my surprise, I managed to sleep through the entire night even though I went to bed in the afternoon. My alarm rang obnoxiously, and I hurried to turn it off before it woke anyone else in the household. My joints cracked and my back ached as I sat up and placed my feet on the cool floor. Goosebumps rose on my skin, and I hurried to the bathroom to assess the damage to my face. I cringed. The skin around my eyes was slightly red and swollen, a sharp contrast to my otherwise pale skin. 

A cool shower did the trick - my matted hair was shiny once again, and the redness had faded to nothing. The cold air in the bathroom prompted me to quickly slide into my underwear, sweat-pants and t-shirt before venturing downstairs. As every other day, I wanted to go for a run, but my joints hurt so much I could barely walk without cringing, so I decided to skip it and merely relish in the silence of the kitchen while everyone else was still asleep. Darkness still loomed behind the windows as I turned on the coffee maker and waited for it to finish. In the meantime, I filled a glass with water and brought it to my lips.

A startled jolt rang through my body as a throat being cleared sounded behind me, almost prompting me to drop the glass between my hands. I turned around with a slight frown on my face - one that was immediately smoothed out as I laid eyes on Andy, who was leaning casually against the counter behind him with his arms crossed against his chest. “Andy?” I croaked, and immediately cleared my throat at the embarrassing crack of my voice. A smile tugged at the corner of his lips as his nodded before unfolding his arms and coming to stand next to me. “Why are you here?” I bit my tongue as I realized how rude it sounded, but he didn't seem to mind as the relaxed smile remained on his face. He shrugged. “I was getting stressed out at the studio. I’ll go back in a few days.” I furrowed my brows, but nodded in a hopefully understanding fashion. Before any other words were exchanged, I retrieved a couple of vitamin pills and swallowed them down with the water. 

“Are you going to work?” Andy asked kindly, still standing next to me, now with both hands in his pockets. “Yeah. We can’t all be superstars like you,” I teased half-heartedly, but his laughter still rang throughout the kitchen. “True. Would you like me to take you?” His question came as a complete surprise, and I quirked up an eyebrow as I turned to look at him. “Well, I’ve got a car of my own, so you don’t have to,” I answered, unsure whether he really meant it or if he was merely being polite. He offered me a small shrug as he once again crossed his arms over his chest. “I’d like to. No one’s going to be up for a few hours anyway.” As I yet contemplated his offer, he took a step closer. “Please,” he mumbled, looking down at me through his lashes, and I caved. “Uh, alright,” I stammered pathetically and turned around before he could see the heat rise in my cheeks. “I’ll just go get my uniform.”


	10. Chapter 9 part 2

I traipsed the carpeted stairs back towards the room and changed into a pair of faded black jeans before clipping my name-tag onto my chest and shrugging on a cardigan. My damp hair was easily braided, and I went back downstairs again, taking the steps two at a time. Andy was already waiting in his car when I slid into the passenger seat, and before long he initiated the five-minute drive. No music was playing in the background this time, which I figured was intentional, as Andy quickly struck up conversation. “So how have you been?” he asked - and it didn’t sound like one of those customary greetings people usually spew out automatically - it sounded refreshingly genuine. I turned to face him with a smile and shrugged nonchalantly. “Not much, really. I’ve just been working and hanging out with Tina and Lucy, you know. The usual.” Andy nodded. “Nothing other than that?” I would have frowned, had his question sounded condescending, but his tone was merely light and curious. “Not really, no. I’ve been doing some running, just to get in shape.” His eyes flickered to my body, giving it a once over as I shuffled uncomfortably in my seat, but his eyes were quickly back on the road. “I see. So you’ve been fine? Nothing bothering you?” I raised an eyebrow at his inquisitive behavior, which was honestly nothing short of suspicious. 

“No. Like I said, I’m fine.” With great effort I kept my tone as even as possible, but Andy raised one hand in mock-surrender anyway. “Sorry…” As his voice drifted off, I took my time observing the sky past the windshield, silently marveling at the beauty of the cerulean sky with a tint of purple, nearing a color more akin to orange as the sun rose behind the horizon. When my temper seemed back under my control, I turned to him once again, allowing an apologetic frown to mar my face. “So… Have you been working on some new songs in the studio then?” I asked curiously, grinning when his eyes lit up at the mention of music. I couldn’t help but notice the resemblance between his smile and the shine of the rising sun. “Yeah. We’ve been working on some sick tracks, I swear. Sometimes you just get in the zone you know?” He turned to look at me as though I had a clue as to what he meant by “being in the zone”, but I nodded understandingly anyway, too eager to hear the rest of his rant. “Like, Jake or Jinxx will come up with a riff that’s just so incredible, and you can just hear the entire song from a single chord or a single drum beat. It’s amazing. You should come by and hear it at some point,” he gushed, at points lifting his hands from the steering wheel to gesture wildly. 

I was momentarily taken back by his offer, and still entranced by the way he described the music, but I managed to stammer out a reply. “Yeah. That… That would be great.” Just then we pulled into the parking lot of the restaurant, and my stomach sank in disappointment. “Thanks for the ride,” I mumbled, my voice tinged with sadness. As I reached for the door handle, his voice brought my movements to a halt. “You know, if there’s ever anything bothering you, you can come to me. No matter what it is.” I frowned in confusion and turned to him, seeing an almost guilty expression on his face. “Why are you so insistent on something being-“ My reply was cut short as realization dawned upon me, and when it did, I turned to him with hurt written all over my face. “Did Lucy make you do this? Did she make you come all the way back here just because she thought you would be able to lure the ‘truth’ out of me?” His eyes widened almost comically at my sudden accusatory outburst, and his lips parted and closed several times before his mind could conjure an answer. “No, no! What? No,” he began, but his rushed answer and slightly flushed skin was answer enough for me. A familiar sadness bloomed within my ribcage. Now they thought I needed a nanny, too? That I couldn’t take care of myself? 

As I reached for the door handle again, having deemed the situation one I would like to get out of, a cool hand reached to touch my elbow. I didn’t turn my head, but my movements were stilled as a sign for him to say what he wanted to say. He took a deep breath. “She didn’t… Well, she didn’t tell me to come here. CC called to hear how things were going, and Tina expressed some, uh, worry about you.” The stream of words was momentarily paused as he took a deep breath, but he quickly picked the thread back up, my hand still clutched tightly around the piece of leather. “To be completely honest, I was worried about you. Tina said it was kind of bad, and I just had to come and see if there was anything I could do to help.” In the stretch of silence that followed, I blinked rapidly, trying to make sense of it all. While I normally wouldn’t have minded the attention everyone seemed to be giving me that much, at the moment, it was becoming unbearable. 

Every corner and every crevice of my mind were searched in order to find an appropriate response. I’d already told them all that I was fine, that there was no need for them to worry about me, and that it frankly bothered the fuck out of me, but no one seemed to believed me. There really wasn't much else for me to do or say. I shuffled uncomfortably in my seat, still hyperaware of his gaze lingering upon me, and through the deafening silence, I finally stepped out of the car and inhaled a deep breath of fresh air - a nice substitute for the stuffy atmosphere inside the car. But within two seconds of me being out of the vehicle, a rush of dizziness clouded my senses, and I stumbled back slightly, leaning against the car until I would regain my balance. Nothing out of the ordinary, really, but these things normally happened when I was alone - and with Andy there, it was excruciatingly embarrassing. 

Faint splotches of black still lingered in my vision when I heard the door to the driver’s side being slammed shut and the sound of footsteps fast approaching. Taking me completely by surprise, only adding onto the dizziness I was already experiencing, two long arms trapped me against the car, and a pair of deliciously soft lips were pressed onto my own. My eyes widened in surprise as Andy’s familiar scent washed over me in a cool wave, but it took me only a split second to respond to the hasty kiss. Parting my lips slightly, I felt the silky velvet of his tongue gliding over my bottom lip before sliding into my mouth and licking the roof of my mouth, eliciting a throaty moan from me. One of his hands went to caress my cheekbone, his fingertips leaving a trail of feverish blush with such unfamiliar tenderness, I felt my knees shaking - although that could also have been a result of the lack of oxygen his kiss allowed. He tasted like mint and smoke, much like the kiss we shared a week earlier, but this time it was much more intense without the alcohol running through my veins, clouding the experience.

He pecked my lips once. Twice. Three times. His forehead rested heavily against mine as our lungs greedily inhaled oxygen, our eyes never once leaving each other’s. I could hear my blood rushing in my ears. I was briefly aware of my hands shaking, something I hadn’t experienced before, but paid it little attention. It was only when my knees gave out and I slowly, but surely, slid to the ground, that I noticed the trembles wracking my body. It was like being low on sugar, but much worse. Every tendon in my body cramped and shook, and my stomach flipped painfully. Andy was quick to kneel to my level with a worried look on his face, although I wanted absolutely none of the attention he was offering. “What’s wrong? You’re white as a sheet,” he spoke. My lips parted and closed, my tongue desperately trying to get the words past my teeth, but I couldn’t. My lungs still gulped in air in desperate breaths, but the oxygen wouldn’t stay inside. 

My head felt like lead as it tipped back heavily to rest against the door, and Andy’s unnecessary panic seemed to heighten as his palm was placed onto my forehead. “You’re burning up,” he said, his voice unsure, as he looked around him. Thank God no one else was in the parking lot at that time to experience this - that would have been embarrassing. “Do you want me to take you back home? I’m sure Tina or Lucy-“ I shook my head fiercely, repulsed by the idea of them fussing over me over a matter like this. “But you can’t go to work,” he protested, which I couldn’t exactly protest against. His face was scrunched together in concentration as his hand remained on my forehead. Heat radiated beneath the surface of my skin, pulsing painfully quick, but I was feeling too disorientated to feel embarrassed about it. I couldn’t make any sense of it - I had taken my vitamin pills and even had a small portion of dinner last night. This shouldn’t be happening. 

With great force I willed my eyes open when I heard movement in front of me. Andy was still crouched down next to me and hooked his arms beneath my armpits to drag me to my feet. The muffled sound of the car door being opened echoed in my mind, and I was slightly aware of being placed into the warm seat once again. Once the car started moving, I stopped struggling and fell limply against the seat.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry for the extraordinarily dramatic cliff-hanger - she isn’t dead or anything! Haha, don’t worry. As always, thank you for reading and commenting! (And for those of you who find it weird that he kissed her, the explanation will be in the next chapter.) Only more reason to continue reading ;)


	11. Chapter 10

I was still slouched awkwardly in the passenger seat when the car came to a halt. None of the passing scenery had been familiar to me at all - a feat practically impossible since I knew the city like the back of my hand. Through hooded eyelids I gazed upon a large brick-building in front of us. It was tinted by a warm sandy color with systematically placed windows. Off to the side was a set of double doors made of glass, a telecom-system perched on the wall beside it. An apartment building. 

Andy exited the car first before walking to the passenger side and opening the door for me in a chivalrous manner. A faint blush tainted my cheeks, and I willed it down as I got out on shaky knees. “Come on, let’s get you inside,” he murmured as he slid a long arm around my waist to steady me. Before long we were in the hall of a massive apartment. The air was thick with his familiar scent, and it washed over me in a warm, comforting wave. A large archway led into the living room with polished floors and cream walls. A giant flat screen took up most of the space on one wall, while the others were littered with framed pictures of celebrities, vinyl records and even the odd autograph. Andy led me to a plush couch facing the TV, where I slouched myself into a comfortable position, resting my head on the armrest and stretching my short legs as far as they could. He left the room for an unknown reason while I was still marveling at the beauty of what I figured was his home. 

When he returned I was on the brink of sleep, and summoned all the strength in my body to sit up, but he placed his hand on my shoulder and applied slight pressure, telling me to lie back down. “Here you go,” he said, handing me a can of Coke. “I figure it’s your blood sugar. Drink up.” I eyed the can wearily, conducting a quick headcount of the amount of calories I would have to burn if I did drink it, and after a few moments I decided it wasn’t worth it. The feeling had to go away eventually. So, as politely as I could, I declined, handing it back to him. “Um, no thank you. I… I’m on a diet.” I smiled sheepishly, but it quickly faded as his brow lowered in confusion. “But, uh… I’ll have a diet coke?” I tried, although the offer sounded idiotic even to my own ears. He raised an eyebrow. “But the whole point of it is that it contains sugar. Come on, one soda won’t throw you off your diet. Not that you need a diet anyways,” he added, still attempting to pass the can into my hands. “No, really, I don’t want it.”

I was getting stubborn, and I knew it, but I couldn't help it. Even the mere thought of ingesting so many calories in such a small portion was daunting. And he was getting frustrated, too. “Seriously, you have to drink it. You’re shaking like a leaf, for fuck’s sake!” His raised voice made me flinch, but I reminded myself that this wasn’t Nick - this was Andy. I clenched my jaw and uttered resolutely: “I said no.” We were staring defiantly into each other’s eyes, both daring the other to break, but none of us did. The deadly quiet surrounding us was thick and tangible, and I was getting frustrated with myself, for I found my resolve weakening. And my traitorous bottom lip was trembling. “Please… Please don’t make me drink it,” I whispered. Andy’s expression softened, morphing into a mask of worry. An expression I had seen far too many times recently for my own liking. 

He climbed onto the sofa and sat by my feet, facing me with his legs tucked underneath him. His face held an unnerving seriousness, unfamiliar on his usually carefree face. “Do you…” His question trailed off as he hung is head, clearly rephrasing the unspoken question in his mind. I observed him nervously, quiet, as I steeled my nerves. With my friends I could brush them off, or go to a different room or ignore them completely. But not with Andy. He had already been too insistent. “Do you not… want to eat? Or drink?” he asked finally, raising his head to capture my eyes in a tight grip. A thick lump formed in my throat at the question, but I swallowed it down with force. “Of course I do. I just… I just don’t want to gain weight, you know? I want to lose weight. And so far, this strategy has been pretty effective.” A pathetic resemblance of a chuckle died in my throat - nothing I could do or say at the moment would ease the gravity of the situation. 

The corners of his mouth were tugged into a frown that marred his beautiful features. His fingers played loosely with the can still held between his hands, tapping impatiently against the metal lid. “But look at you right now. You’re not - it’s not good for you,” he replied ruefully. Once again, my jaw clenched tightly as I turned my gaze towards the ceiling - his gaze being far too intense. “You know,” he began, lightly tapping my leg to gain my attention, “maybe this is a talk for another time.” My neck could have snapped with the speed of which I tilted my head down. I wouldn’t have taken Andy for one to let up so easily, but made no move to question the matter. “But please just take a sip of this. Or two. I know you don’t want to, and I don’t want to force you, but it helps. And then we can do something fun, okay? Watch a movie or something.” 

His deep voice resembled a plea, and that was the moment where the last of my weakened resolve crumbled. I nodded stiffly. “Alright,” I mumbled, and Andy’s lips tightened into a small smile. With hesitance I took a small sip. The sweet liquid was something I’d missed terribly, and I had almost drunk half the can by the time sense was knocked back into me. I desperately pushed the soda back into Andy’s hands as though it was poisonous and sunk my teeth into my lower lip to distract myself from the taste. No. It was bad for me. But to my surprise, the trembles began to fade into near-nothingness, and the nausea subsided. Andy, sensing my malaise, placed the offending can on the floor by the couch. “Thank you,” he said. Desperate to avoid the impending awkward silence, I said: “Movie?” 

“Oh, yeah.”

Within seconds I was kneeling before his glossy, overflowing cabinet stocked with movies from every era and genre. It was nothing short of impressive. The first thing that caught my eye was a shelf dedicated entirely to the Batman-films and corresponding trinkets. They ranged from the very early films to the newer ones by Christopher Nolan. Underneath was a shelf filled with every single Disney-movie ever made, arranged in order as well. I smirked. The thought of Andy sitting alone and shedding a tear at The Lion King was absolutely hilarious. But the movie I chose was one that was lying at the very bottom of the cabinet, seemingly collecting dust. 10 Things I Hate About You - one of my favorites. 

“Oh my God, can we please watch this?” I begged, clutching the DVD in a tight grip. Andy raised an amused eyebrow at my choice, but agreed with no objections. I quickly slid the disc into the player and got comfortable on the couch, consciously keeping a foot’s distance between the two of us to make it less awkward. 20 minutes or so into the movie, at the point where Joey was trying to convince Patrick to take Kat out on a date, Andy cleared his throat, successfully gaining my attention. “I’m sorry I kissed you in the parking lot,” he said sheepishly, seemingly uncomfortable judging by the way he rubbed the back of his neck. His apology was completely unexpected, and I flushed in embarrassment. “Oh, that’s… Well, it’s fine,” I chuckled half-heartedly, although deep down I was curious. “But, why did you do it?” 

He swallowed thickly. “I just… You’re so fucking sweet and adorable (cue another wave of white-hot blush) and I can’t help but think about the kiss we shared when we were drunk, all the time. And I was so mad that we weren’t sober when we did it, ‘cause I couldn’t remember the taste of your lips or the softness of your skin. And then you left my car, but your scent still lingered and I just… couldn’t control myself, I guess.” He chuckled awkwardly. “And I had to see for myself if you’re actually as perfect as I thought you were that night.” You could hear a pin drop at the end of his exclamation, and I was pretty sure my skin was on fire. It was surreal. Andy did not just admit his crush on me. I was probably suffering from some kind of heat-stroke, and I sharply pinched my arm to verify the authenticity of the situation. But the pain was real. Andy was real. And this moment was real.


	12. Chapter 11

Andy’s intense gaze was scorching, and my mind was racing at a thousand miles per hour, simultaneously attempting to cope with the situation and trying to conjure an appropriate answer. Somehow, merely replying “I like you, too” seemed too ridiculous and immature to be fitting, but I honestly had no idea what else to say. So that’s what I said. “Wow. I, uh… I like you, too.” Dimples indented his cheeks from how widely he was smiling, but no words left his lips. He opened his arms, gesturing for me to enter them, and I did so tentatively, scooching ever-so-slowly across the seats. What I expected to be an awkward embrace showed to be overly comfortable. His arms tightened around me, his chin perched on the crown of my head, and I placed my own on his chest, inhaling deeply. As always, there was a rich cinnamon fragrance with an undertone of smoke and leather, along with something that was just so indescribably him. 

When he spoke, vibrations rippled down my spine to the tip of my toes. “Does that make this our first date?” I peered up at him through my lashes to find his gaze already on me, a smirk firmly in place. His confidence made a small spark ignite in my bones, and I settled for a casual shrug. “Wouldn’t that require you to ask me?” I teased. A dark eyebrow rose in return and I kept quiet, waiting for him to answer. But instead of answering right away, he managed to maneuver me so that I was sitting on his lap, facing him. With a mask of seriousness and importance, he grasped one of my hands between his cold ones. “Amelia,” he addressed me so kindly, “would you like to go out on a date with me? Or, stay inside on a date with me? Right now? Fuck, that doesn’t make any sense,” he sighed, shaking his head in slight frustration. My stomach flipped by how adorable he was being, and I decided to put him out of his misery. “Yeah, I will. But now, please, can we return to the movie?” 

 

During the last hour of the movie I was cuddled up next to his side. His small displays of affection left my heart a fluttering mess - twirling a few strands of my hair around his finger, gently rubbing my upper arm, squeezing me just a little bit tighter when a scene got too emotional… Once the credits finally rolled across the screen, my gaze was glued to the ceiling as I tried to blink away the tears. “Are you crying?” Andy asked, with too much amusement coloring his tone for my liking. “No? I just got… something in my eye, ugh…” When the dampness faded, I dared looking at him, although I knew my skin must have been flushed from my traitorous tears. He reached to brush my unruly hair away from my face, tucking it nicely into place behind my ear with a content smile on his face. “You’re just too adorable, did you know that?” he murmured. And once again, my heart fluttered like a startled bird within a cage. His compliments were numerous, but hadn’t once failed to touch me with their authenticity. 

Even though I had spent so little time with Andy, I was already more comfortable around him than I was around most of the people I knew. He was so kind and light-hearted, and I found that the more time I spent with him, the more I wanted to be around him. 

“What now?” he asked, startling me out of my momentary daze. My eyes snapped to level with his, and he gestured towards the now black screen. “Do you wanna watch another? Or what do you want to do?” “Oh,” I breathed, leaning my head back against his solid chest. “This position is very comfortable. Anything that doesn’t require moving anywhere would be favorable, really,” I joked, snuggling closer into his warmth. He chuckled deeply. “There really isn’t much to do, then… Except this?” A split-second after the words left his mouth, his hands were on my sides, tickling the most sensitive spots right below my ribs. I erupted into a fit of laughter, desperately trying to pry his fingers off of me, but ultimately failing. “Oh, my God, stop!” I laughed, barely managing to get the words past my throat as my lungs were heaving for air. 

“Hey, guys,” a third voice greeted from within the archway, and both of our movements stilled. Jake was standing a few feet away from us, leaning against the wall with exaggerated casualty, watching us with an eyebrow lifted in amusement. I of course flushed in embarrassment while Andy simply sat up and smoothed out the wrinkles in his shirt before running a hand through his disheveled hair. “‘Sup?” he greeted with a nod. “I called you a bunch of times, man,” Jake complained, strolling over to one of the arm chairs before lounging himself in it. “Yeah, I must’ve turned it off,” Andy shrugged, no hint of an apology in his voice. I was still lying down on the couch, watching their exchange, and I quickly sat up and smoothed myself out to look presentable. “We need you in the studio. Jinxx and I came up with this epic riff, CC’s already got some drums for it. You seriously need to hear it.” Andy briefly turned towards me before acknowledging Jake once again. “Sure. Amelia’s coming, too.”

I turned to him with wide eyes at his bold exclamation, but he just kept his eyes trained forward on Jake, though a smile tugged at his lips. For some reason, I felt like I was intruding on something I shouldn’t, and I quickly turned to Jake. “Only if that’s alright with you guys. I mean, you can tell me if you don’t want me to-“ “It’s fine,” Andy interrupted before standing. “Come on,” he urged, offering his hand to me, “I promised to take you to the studio one day. Plus, this is still our date. What better way to end it than to listen to some sick tunes?” His reasoning sounded genuine enough, and I allowed him to pull me to my feet. “A date, huh?” Jake asked, smugness heavy in his voice. “Yes. A date. Now get your ass down into the car.”

 

To my relief, Andy offered to join me in the backseat so I wouldn’t have to sit alone on the 1-hour drive. The stereo was as loud as it could get, the windows were down, and we were all hoarse by the time we arrived at a large gray building. “This is it,” Jake acknowledged before climbing out of the car. Andy and I followed after, and before long we were walking into a dimly lit room. The rest of the band were all sitting behind their instruments, all pitching in with the effort of coming up with a bass-line as Ashley stood in the middle, heavily focused on the stringed instrument in his grasp. As we walked in all eyes turned to us, but no one seemed to care that I tagged along, surprisingly enough. “Hey, Amelia,” Ashley greeted as he reached over to give me a one-armed hug, since he was already standing up. I waved to the rest of the guys before perching myself on the edge of an amplifier that wasn’t in use. 

My eyes were on Andy as he stood with his arms crossed in the middle of the room, urging the band to show him what they had come up with. Jake and Jinxx shared a look before allowing their fingers to dance across the strings with practiced ease. CC slowly joined in while Ashley pitched in here and there with a chord or a note that fit the melody. And it was beautiful. I saw Andy close his eyes and I decided to do the same, cutting off one primary sense to allow the music to overwhelm me. The melody wasn’t long, sadly, and when it was over, everyone’s eyes were on Andy, gauging his reaction. “That’s fucking amazing, guys,” he complimented before walking over to peek at the sheet of music which carried their scribbles and poorly drawn notes. “Is that a C-sharp?” Andy asked curiously, and I decided to drown out their lingo, since I had no idea what it meant. “No, I think it sounds better without the key signatures in this section. It needs to fit the key…” My eyes wandered around the room, drinking in every detail of the room. The walls were decorated just like Andy’s, with framed vinyl records and plates, along with the many guitars that hung on the wall. In one corner stood a dying plant - very likely the boys’ attempt at making it homey, but failing to keep it alive. 

For a long moment I was awestruck. A month ago I would have never dreamed of going to one of their concerts, even less actually meeting them, and now I was surrounded by them, standing in the actual studio where some of my favorite songs had come to life. And now they were about to make another. 

A few hours passed where the boys smoothed out kinks in the melody, added onto it and even adding a few rough lyrics. And now I would forever remember the moment where I suggested a sentence that actually made it into a song by Black Veil Brides. A heavy weight threw itself into the couch next to me, and I looked down to see Andy smiling up at me. “So, was this date okay?” he asked with feigned innocence, well-knowing that this was an absolute dream come true for me. “Meh,” I answered, crinkling my nose. “I’ve had better.” He rose an inquisitive eyebrow, still gazing up at me from his place next to me on the couch. I reached to smooth out the lines on his forehead, a smile on my face. “No, this was perfect. Thank you.”


	13. Chapter 12

Jake had to drive Andy and I home again later that afternoon since Andy didn’t bring his car. I suggested catching a bus, but Jake so kindly (and quite smugly) reminded me that their band was kind of famous - a trait so very easy to forget in their down-to-earth presence. The remaining three boys and I shared a quick farewell before we were on the road again. This time, however, the drive seemed to last forever, the wait prolonged by an expanding sense of dread growing in my stomach. Tina and Lucy were probably worried sick when I didn’t come home from work, and it had completely slipped my mind to let them know I was with the boys. As strange as it sounds, it was as though Andy had a tight grip of my consciousness, letting me indulge myself so deeply into the present that everything within the past or future couldn’t breach the entrance to my mind. 

But the trip ended with an abrupt stop, and we were soon ascending the steps towards their porch - and with each step, I found myself preparing for the reprimand I was bound to receive. Andy’s presence loomed behind me, and for a moment I caught myself wondering how I was going to explain his appearance - but then I remembered how they were the ones who made him come here in the first place, to check up on me of all things, and the guilt slowly subsided. When the front door creaked open, I honestly expected them to rush in, hurling questions at us at a mile a minute. But it was silent. I threw a quick questioning glance at the boy beside me, but he just shrugged casually and walked right in. With slight hesitance I did the same, slowly closing the door behind me. “Hello?” I called out, wondering if they were even there, despite their car being parked in the driveway. However, a muffled “hey” within the direction of the living room told me that was not the case. 

Side by side we walked towards the origin of the voice, and we entered the living room to see John, Karen, Tina and Lucy all huddled around the dinner table. “Hey, sweetie,” Karen greeted, not put off by our awkward intrusion at all. Tina and Lucy’s eyes slid from Andy to me, and two small, matching smirks grew on their faces, but they said nothing. “Care to join us for dinner?” John offered, already on his way up to grab more plates, but I waved him off. “No thanks.” John merely nodded and stabbed his fork into yet another potato, but I could feel the eyes of everyone below the age of 50 in the room on me. “You just go upstairs then. I’m sure you’d rather be alone,” Karen winked, prompting her children to roll their eyes. “Um… Okay, then.” Andy and I quickly turned on our heels and retreated back to my temporary room in silence. “Well, that wasn’t awkward at all,” Andy chuckled as he slung himself across my unmade bed, tucking his arms behind his head. “Tell me about it,” I mumbled. He patted the space next to him on the bed, offering a joking “I don’t bite”, and without hesitance I smoothly delved onto the soft mattress much like he had done seconds before. As soon as my feet left the floor, he pulled me into a warm embrace where I tucked my head beneath his chin. 

His chest rose and fell with each deep, calm breath, and his exhales blew a few strands of hair into my face, tickling my nose. If that wasn’t the embodiment of contentment, I didn’t know what was. The warmth he radiated felt much like a blanket being tucked tightly around me, and my body felt heavy with drowsiness. Apparently Andy felt that way too, as his eyes were closed when I peered up at him, and I slowly felt my own do the same. “Do you know what time it is?” he asked quietly a few minutes later, basically on the brink of sleep already. Too tired to move my limbs, I mumbled a slurred: “There’s a watch on your wrist.” His arms tightened slightly around my torso, and I sighed in content. “I know. But I want you to tell me.” A grumble of distaste passed my lips, but I managed, albeit a bit slowly, to slide my phone out of my back pocket. My eyes squinted at the harsh fluorescent light, and I was quick to put away the electronic device. “It’s 7-something,” I mumbled, and he started stirring. 

“No wonder I’m starving,” he moaned, seconds before yawning. My stomach clenched at the mentioning of food, and I quickly clutched the fabric of his t-shirt to prevent him from getting up, in the hopes that maybe he would somehow return to our embrace, but he got up anyway. My lids were heavy as I saw him run a hand through his hair before fishing his car-key out of his pocket. “Come on. My treat,” he offered. Still desperate not to leave the soft sanctuary of my bed, I buried my head in the nearest pillow and mumbled a muffled “no thanks”. Andy sighed before lacing his fingers between my own and pulling me into an upright position with surprisingly little difficulty. “You haven’t had dinner yet, and you can’t possibly convince me that you’re not hungry. Now get up, or I’ll drag your ass down to the car myself.” I frowned, but got up on wobbly legs anyways. Maybe he would leave the subject alone, or at the very least postpone the issue, if I just went with him. A grateful smiled lit up his features as he pulled me down the stairs, our fingers still intertwined. As we passed the coat rack he smoothly grabbed his own and my jacket, and once again he opened the door for me. 

“There’s this little diner a few blocks from here, if you’re interested,” I suggested, and he quickly agreed. Minutes later he pulled into the practically abandoned parking lot, and the wind nipped at my exposed skin with more intensity than I’d experienced before. But I shrugged it off and deducted that I was probably just more sensitive to the slight cold since I was tired. The diner was small and quaint, tucked between to large apartment buildings. Its bright colors and fluorescent signs contrasted sharply with the dull brick walls surrounding it, but it was cute. Our cheeks were rosy as we stepped into the heat, and Andy picked a secluded booth in the far right corner to give us come privacy. He was quick to decide on a random meal off the menu, but I was scanning the pages intently, lower lip tucked between my teeth. Nothing on the menu sounded appealing to me in the slightest, but I eventually settled on a salad and a glass of water, deeming it the healthiest option. A waiter was quick to take our orders, and while we waited for the food to arrive, Andy way more excited than me, I found myself marveling at his features once again - something I’d found myself doing to an embarrassing extreme. The way his lips moved when he talked, how animated his features became when he expressed himself, how his eyes could never stay focused on one thing for too long, except when he looked at me…

The waiter interrupted our pointless smalltalk by placing our dishes in front of us, and Andy was quick to dig in. I, however, hesitantly picked up my fork and started moving things around on the plate, my eyebrows scrunched together in distaste. After a quick sip of water, I slowly started chewing on a piece of chicken breast and almost found myself moaning at the taste. Since the last thing I ate was a small dinner last night, my stomach was shrieking with delight at the sudden intake of food, but the sense of satisfaction was short-lived. Five or six bites in I was full, as though someone had stuffed cotton all the way down my throat. With forced casualty I placed the fork back down and focused on Andy, willing the overly full sensation to pass. But it didn’t. “I have to use the bathroom,” I mumbled, sliding out of my seat and heading towards the restroom. A split second after locking the nearest booth behind me, I kneeled before the toilet and vomited - a feat that was excruciatingly painful since there was barely any food to throw up. 

Acid scorched my pipes and tongue, leaving a wretched taste on my palate that couldn’t be washed away with water. Thankfully I had a packet of gum in my pocket. Andy was practically finished eating when I returned, and his eyebrows sunk in suspicion when I slid into the seat. With a clenched jaw I forced down two small bites to ease his mood, which seemed to do the trick. Pushing away his plate, he rested his forearms on the table and addressed me in a more serious tone. “There’s something I need to ask you.” I raised an eyebrow in curiosity and gestured for him to continue. “So, you know how it’s April now, right?” “I’m aware,” I chuckled. “And the band and I are going to Warped in, like, three weeks?” “Uh-huh.” His gaze slid to the window, overlooking the parking lot, before settling on me once more. “And I was wondering if… You know… You’d like to tag along? Not for the entire tour, obviously, but for some of it? CC’s been begging us to let Tina tag along, and you’d get to hang out with us and meet other bands and stuff…” His voice trailed off, almost as if he was unsure of himself, as I stared at him with a slack jaw. 

He wanted me to stay with them for a while at Warped Tour? A small, rational voice in the back of my mind wondered if he wanted me to tag along just so he could keep an eye on me, but the irrational, overly excited part of me was over the moon. Going to some of the shows at Warped had always been a dream of mine, since I discovered bands like Black Veil Brides, but I’d never been able to afford it. And when I finally could afford it, I was dating Nick, and he didn’t exactly share my taste in music. My inner ramblings left me at a loss for words, and I could do nothing but nod.


	14. Chapter 13

“So that means you’ll come?” Andy asked, not bothering to conceal the excitement radiating from his bright smile. With colored cheeks, I once again nodded with an embarrassing vigor. “That would be-“

“Amelia.” An uncomfortably familiar voice broke my reply, and I slowly turned my head to face the man who now stood in front of our table, arms folded across his broad chest. My heart’s pace immediately quickened, and I swallowed thickly. Andy seemed to notice my distress, for he turned to him with narrowed eyes and asked: “Who are you?” Andy managed to keep his voice even, but an underlying malice gave away the fact that he had a pretty good idea of who he was. “I’m Nick,” he greeted, tone equally clipped. His attention once again turned to me, and I instantly averted my gaze - somehow hoping that if I kept my eyes off of him, he would simply dissipate into thin air. “So this is what you leave me for?” he asked, sounding almost to be on the brink of laughter. “An emo freak?” Andy stood abruptly, obviously egged on by the question, and I reached out towards him, gesturing for him to sit down again, but he ignored me. “As opposed to some control freak who treats their girlfriend like shit? Yeah, I think I’m the better choice.” 

Nick’s chest was puffed out in agitation, and I shrunk back into the seat. I knew Andy would never hurt me intentionally, but Nick was a different story. “See?” Andy asked, waving a hand in my direction. “You’re scaring her. That’s fucked up, man.” I jumped in fright when Nick’s fist landed on the table. “Well maybe if she stopped acting like a fucking idiot, I wouldn’t have to lay a hand on her!” Andy’s frown deepened to a look of pure hatred, but when he parted his lips to reply, I put a hand on his lower arm to still his actions. “Can we just leave?” I asked quietly. His tense features softened, and after a brief stare-down between the two of them, he muttered a soft “of course”. Within seconds he pulled out a few dollar bills and threw them carelessly onto the table before intertwining his fingers with mine and urging me towards the exit, making sure to bump his shoulder harshly into Nick’s on the way. 

But before we could go anywhere, Nick grabbed a hold of my free arm, tightening his hold around my wrist in a vice-like grip, bringing us to a halt. “For fuck’s sake, Amelia! If you think you can just-“ His sentence was cut short as Andy landed a punch square in his jaw, making him stumble back a few steps. As Nick brought his hand up to wipe away the blood now trickling out his nose, Andy brought his face dangerously close and mumbled quietly: “Put a hand on her one more time and see what happens.” The wounded man’s eyes widened almost comically, and he was left in a stunned silence as Andy finally dragged me out of the restaurant, away from the eyes of the curious bystanders. As soon as we stepped outside, he wrapped his arm around my shoulders and pulled me close, resting his chin on the top of my head. “You okay?” he asked worriedly before catching my gaze. “Yeah, I’m fine,” I sighed, although still visibly shaking from the encounter. “I won’t let him get close to you again. You know that right?” With my eyes closed, I leaned into his chest and sighed in content. “I know.”

…

After bringing me home and once again asking if I was alright, Andy reluctantly left to be with the guys again. He hesitated at first, offering to stay with me, but I knew it would be selfish of me to beg him to stay, no matter how much I wanted him to, so I urged him on. Which left me alone in the kitchen later that night with Tina as company, as the rest of the family had gone to bed. Her back was facing me as she was brewing some tea, and I leaned against the counter behind me before addressing her. “So I’ve heard CC’s asked you to come to Warped with him and the guys?” I asked through a smile before reaching up to grab a mug for myself. She chuckled and turned to me with a lopsided smirk and a raised eyebrow. “That he has. And since you know of that, I can only assume that Andy’s asked the same of you?” I blushed under the dim lights, but nodded. “Yeah, he has.” The soft click of the kettle sounded, signaling Tina to pour us some tea, and I followed her to the kitchen island, where I tucked my feet underneath my thighs. 

“Are you going?” she asked around the rim of the cup, transfixed on the way the tip of my finger traced mindless patterns on my knee. “Of course. That’s a once-in-a-lifetime experience.” She nodded in agreement. “So… Is he a good kisser?” My jaw dropped slightly at her question before tightening into a soft smile once more. “How did you know we’ve kissed?” I asked curiously, not bothering to deny the fact. Tina shrugged, chuckling lightly. “I didn’t. But you just confirmed it for me, so thank you.” I faked a pout and crossed my arms defiantly. “Oh, how you wound me.” Tina rolled her eyes. “Shut up.”

…

The next two weeks passed at a snail’s pace, the time seemingly dragging on and on. Now that there was something I was actually looking forward to, I was getting impatient. Andy had called and asked us to be there in the beginning of the tour, since they were less tired then and more fun to be around in general, and my mood had changed. I was still suffering from fatigue and several mood swings, but my spirit was also lifted in a way. Work wasn’t as strenuous, and I didn’t escape to my room every time someone tried initiating a conversation with me. It was nice, to be honest. Tina’s mood had also changed. Not that she had been in a bad mood before, quite the opposite actually, but she was bouncing with energy every minute of every hour. 

There were two days until the bus would arrive to pick us up, and nervous jitters had begun mingling with the excited ones. I had long since given up trying to wrap my head around the fact that we were actually going, instead trying to focus on not forgetting to bring something essential, which I somehow always managed to do when going on trips. Like my chargers, my toothbrush or my weight scale…

Someone cleared their throat behind me, and I quickly yanked my nails from my teeth, to see Lucy standing in my doorway, waiting to be invited in. “You can always come in, you know. This is your house,” I chuckled, patting the space next to me on the bed. She shrugged before joining me. “I know. Just being polite.” She tipped her head back to lay down fully, and I followed suit. She turned her head to face me. “I’m happy for you,” she said finally before shifting her eyes towards the ceiling. “I mean, you deserve everything. And I really hope Andy can be that for you. And if he isn’t, you just dial me up and let me at him,” she joked, poking me in the ribs with her finger. I squirmed away with an airy laugh before enveloping her in a hug. “Thank you,” I mumbled against the fabric of her sweater, “you’re such a good friend.”

“Nah, just doing my job. Besides, I know you’d do the same for me.” With a solemn nod, I replied: “That I would.”


	15. Chapter 14

I was pulled abruptly from the comfort of my dreams when a heavy weight was thrown upon me, knocking the air out of my lungs. With a soft gasp I sat upright, my brain still heavily sleep-muddled. Tina was slung across me, peering up at me with a feigned look of innocence. “Guess what day it is?” My mouth fell open seconds before I threw off my comforter and sped off to the bathroom to take a shower, Tina’s giggle fading as I shut the door. After freshening up and brushing out the tangled knots in my hair, I went back to my room to slip into the outfit I laid out yesterday - a light baby-blue summer dress with a navy cardigan and some worn-down vans. The brunette was still occupying my unmade bed, most likely texting her boyfriend, so I simply scooped up the bundle of clothing and went to change in the bathroom instead. 

Tina was gone when I reemerged, so I slung my duffel bag across my shoulder and went downstairs to join the others. It was only 4:30 in the morning and the pitch-black sky loomed ominously behind the windows. “Coffee?” I asked through a yawn, and within seconds a scalding mug was passed into my hands. “Thanks, Luce.” She mock-bowed before digging into her cereal once more, and my stomach growled at the sight. For the occasion I’d decided to allow myself breakfast, since I knew I’d be too tired to function if I didn’t, so I hesitantly made myself a bowl of oatmeal and grabbed an apple. 

Just as I swallowed down the last bite of the gritty texture, headlights could be seen lighting flashing in the distance. “Ooh, they’re here!” Lucy exclaimed, jumping out of the stool in excitement. Tina and I hastily shrugged on our coats before picking up our luggage once more, and we enveloped Lucy simultaneously in a group-hug. “Have fun, you guys,” she gushed when we finally released her, already urging us towards the front door. “I feel so bad about leaving you here, Luce. Maybe if we-“ “Oh, stop it,” Lucy interrupted Tina with an eye-roll. “I’m gonna come hang with you at one of the shows anyway. See you then!” And then we were out in the cold. And then we approached the large, intimidating piece of metal. And then we were inside. The bus was bathed in darkness with only a few yellow-tinged bursts of light illuminating the furniture. Tina let out a muffled ‘oof’ when CC picked her up and twirled her about before peppering tiny kisses all over her face as she let out a shy giggle. 

A long arm was snaked around my waist and pulled me towards a rock-hard chest, and I tilted my head backwards to see Andy smiling down at me. I turned around in his arms to greet him with a full hug, muttering a quiet: “Good morning.” He kissed the top of my head and returned the greeting before grabbing my hand and pulling me down onto a leather couch with him. “Do you like it?” he asked as he pulled me flush against him once again. “From what I’ve seen so far, yes,” I smiled, and he muttered a small “good”. Soon CC and Tina joined us on the couch, and within the next five minutes, everyone else from the band and a crew member joined us as well. The latter reached to greet Tina and I with a hand-shake and introduced himself as “Richard, the lighting guy”. 

“It smells like dude in here,” Tina commented jokingly with a crinkle of her nose, and CC rolled his eyes. “Better get used to it then. You’re gonna be here for two weeks.” Mindless banter filled the atmosphere for a good half hour where everyone was surprisingly awake - I guess it was the excitement rolling off everyone in thick waves that kept the air electric. “Where are we going first?” I asked no one in particular, and Ashley was the first to answer. “San Diego, so not too far. There’s, like, a 2-hour drive left.” I nodded in silence before leaning back and soaking up the animated topics of conversation that seemingly no one had trouble keeping up with. It felt surreal. And it felt like home. 

…

The time wasted away quickly until there was only half an hour left. Then twenty minutes. Then ten. And then we were there. The conversation quieted down once the wheels came to a squealing stop, and then they were milling about while Tina and I sat together on the couch, observing them. “You ready?” Jinxx asked, breaking our reveries. We gave each other a quick glance with mirroring smiles on our faces before nodding at him. The door was opened and daylight was spilling into the bus with tiny bits of dust flickering in the light. Everyone inhaled the fresh air deeply before stepping out into the sun, Tina and I being the last ones to do so. Busses took up every inch of space on the vast gray parking lot surrounding us, varying in size and color, each with their own logo on it. 

My pulse quickened as I recognized names such as Pierce The Veil, Of Mice And Men and Sleeping With Sirens. “Oh my God, are you seeing this?” Tina whispered somewhere near my ear, sounding to be just as starstruck as I was feeling. Our heads whipped around as Andy spoke. “We have a few hours to kill while the crew is getting everything ready. Wanna head out and say hello to some of our friends?” “Oh my God, yes!” Tina squealed, and I winced at her shrill tone. She shot me a sheepish look. “I mean… Yeah, that would be cool.” Andy chuckled and grabbed my hand again, motioning for Tina to follow us, before winding us past several busses and further into the parking lot. “You guys are familiar with PTV, right?” My hands got slightly damp at the mentioning of their name, but I tried to play it cool. “Yeah. They’re great.”

We finally came to a stop in front of a large silver bus with a familiar mustache taped to the front of it. Andy went to knock on the door while Tina and I stayed behind, nervously scuffing our shoes against the warm asphalt. With a muted ‘click’ the door was opened and a guy I didn’t recognize stuck his head out, shooting a friendly smile at Andy. “Are the guys here? I wanna introduce them to someone,” he asked before sending a wink in our direction. We could have fainted right there. “Yeah. Or, Jaime and Vic are here. Dunno ‘bout the rest.” He then disappeared for a brief moment and we could hear him yell: “Guys! Andy wants to introduce you to someone!” As we heard Jaime’s muffled voice respond, Tina and I turned to each other with eyes as wide as saucers. “Andy who?” “Biersack, genius!” Andy shouted back, voice light with laughter, before motioning us over to stand with him. We did so hesitantly. Within a few moments the very Vic Fuentes and Jaime Preciado stepped out into the warm summer air, sunglasses perched on the bridge of their noses, and it took all the willpower in me to not let my jaw drop as Tina’s did. 

“‘Sup? I’m Vic,” the first boy greeted before sticking his hand out for us to shake. I looked at it in awe for a brief moment before grasping it in my own and giving it a firm shake. “I’m Amelia,” I said shyly. “Pretty name for a pretty girl,” Jaime joked and stuck his hand out as well. “I’m Jaime. But you probably already knew that,” he added with a wink. I blushed under his gaze and took a step closer to Andy, who hooked his arm around my waist. “Who is that?” a third voice called from within the bus, and I sidestepped Jaime to peer into the darkness. A figure emerged from the shadows - one I knew all too well. “Woah. Kellin Quinn,” I whispered. He, too, stepped out of the bus, squinting at the harsh sunlight, and then his face broke out into a grin. “Well hello there,” he said. “I’m Kellin.” I nodded mutely, not trusting my mouth to not say something embarrassingly starstruck. “This is Amelia and Tina,” Jaime introduced, gesturing between the both of us, and it was so strange to hear our names roll off of his tongue so easily. 

“Hey, Kells,” Andy greeted before leaning in to give him a bro-hug, just as he had done with the other two. “So which one is yours?” Vic asked, his gaze shifting between Tina and I. Andy rolled his eyes, but still wrapped his arms around my waist and rested his chin on the top of my head. “This one.” Heat rushed to my face once again, and I ducked my head to hide it. “Aw, they’re cute,” Kellin commented and the rest chuckled. “Knock it off,” Andy grinned. Kelvin held up his hands in mock-surrender and then checked the watch on his wrist. “Shit, guys. I gotta go. It was nice to meet you.” He then brought Tina and I into short but comfortable hugs and then jogged back to his own bus. “I guess we better get going, too. See you later guys,” Andy said with a wave, and then we were heading back to our own bus, Tina’s and my head still stuck in the clouds.


	16. Chapter 15

Almost as soon as the three of us reached the open space of grass surrounding the stages, Andy was ushered into soundcheck, and Tina and I decided to retreat to the stuffy bus once more until their opening concert. The barely air-conditioned bus left our skin damp and heads heavy, but it was a nice change to just relax in silence rather than be surrounded by a group of constantly energized boys. However, after only 10 minutes of lounging around, Tina proclaimed that she was tired from being up so early and left to take a nap in CC’s bunk, and I found myself flattened out on the leather couch in the main room alone. A clock above the sink ticked with every second passing, each tick setting me further on edge. With nothing else to do, I slipped on my sunglasses again and decided to go for a walk around the parking lot. 

My worn-down vans scraped against the asphalt slowly as I took a quick glance around to drink in my surroundings - getting lost on our first day at Warped was not a very high priority of mine. As a quick means of reassurance, I checked my phone to make sure I had everyone’s phone number so I could contact them just in case I did get lost, and those few seconds were all it took for me to bump into a solid chest. Of course. Startled, I looked up with wide eyes, ready to apologize profusely to whatever stranger was looming above me, but the words quickly died in my throat as I took in the male’s appearance. Shaggy brown hair, skinny build, three dots tattooed below his right eye. “I’m so sorry ‘bout that. Didn’t see where I was goin’.” My mind barely registered his apology, his voice thick with a British accent, as I stared at him in awe. With a thorough shake of my head, I somehow regained my ability to speak. “Yeah, no, that was my fault. I’m sorry,” I replied, biting my bottom lip as I felt my cheeks burn with embarrassment. My eyes were glued onto the ground as I found myself unsure of what to do next, but luckily he broke the would-have-been awkward silence. 

“I’m Oli,” he introduced, superfluous as it might have been, and with only a minor pause I managed to utter a meek ‘Amelia’. “Amelia. That’s a pretty name,” he complimented. “Well, I better be going to soundcheck. Be sure to keep your head up, yeah? Might save you from bumping into other strangers.” His immediate chuckle validated the joking nature of the advice, and I found myself chuckling along nervously. “Yeah, thanks. Might have to keep that in mind.” He offered a casual wave before continuing in the opposite direction of where I was going, and as I stood still, I spent the next few seconds contemplating whether I should ask him to show me where Andy’s band were warming up, since Tina wasn’t exactly the best company at the moment. My mind was quickly made up as I turned on my heel and broke into a light jog to catch up with him. “Hey, Oli!” At the sound of my voice, he turned his head and raised an inquisitive eyebrow as I finally fell into step with him and spoke again. “Could you maybe show me where Black Veil Brides are having their soundcheck? I’m kind of bored,” I admitted, but frowned when he shook his head. “No can do, love. Fans aren’t allowed backstage without passes.”

“Oh, I have one.” It only took me a split-second to reach below the neck of my dress and pull out the VIP-pass that rested on my chest. Oli eyed it suspiciously, his gaze flickering between my own and the small piece of plastic before sighing in defeat. “Alright then. But if you’re getting banned from this festival for having a fake pass, that ain’t my fault.” With a burst of confidence I found myself mock-saluting him as he began leading us on our way. He, of course, rolled his eyes, but I caught a small smirk tugging at the corner of his lips. 

 

We finally reached a stage tucked away in the back of the field, and Oli whistled to gain the attention of the boys on stage. “Hey! You know this girl?” Their heads turned to us and Andy, being the person weighed down by the least gear, effortlessly jumped off the stage with the grace of a feline and grabbed my hand in an almost possessive manner. “Yeah, we know her.” Oli kept quiet as the two boys stared each other down in silence, and I turned to the rest of the band on stage with a quizzical look my face, but they just shrugged and went back to fine-tuning their acoustics. Without a word of farewell, Oli turned on his heel and went back the same way we came, and with a mirroring silence Andy led me to a row of chairs on the side of the stage where I could chill until they were done. “It’ll only be a few more minutes, okay? I promise.” Before I could reply, his lips were on mine in a chaste kiss, and then he went back to the microphone. 

The “few” minutes turned into half an hour where I was sat browsing through all of my social media and smoking the occasional cigarette. When the check-up was finally done, Andy grabbed me by the hand and led us all back to the bus so they could change their outfits. “So… What’s the deal with you and Oli?” I asked curiously to fill the empty air between us. His gaze remained forwards as he shrugged. “I just don’t like him. He’s a selfish douche. What were you even doing with him in the first place?” I ducked my head and gave a similar shrug. “I bumped into him somewhere on the parking lot, ‘cause Tina’s asleep. We introduced ourselves and I asked if he could show me where you guys were so I wouldn’t be so bored. Nothing exciting, really.” I looked up at him through my eyelashes, gauging his reaction, but his face remained impassive. A low hum was his final response, and then we were back at the bus. 

Tina’s squeal resonated against the walls as CC threw his entire weight on her to wake her, and Ashley found the event the perfect opportunity to slide in a dirty comment, which led to them bickering the entire time it took for them to change clothes. Their black jeans either remained or were substituted by a shorter version, and they all banished their shirts in favor for a leather vest or jacket to throw over their bare chest. The war paint was minimal with scarce lines staining their skin here and there. “You wanna paint mine?” I looked up from the fluorescent screen of my phone to see Andy kneeling in front of me, a piece of black chalk in hand. The offer was flattering, and I grabbed the piece of chalk with a small ‘of course’. I sat cross-legged in front of him and started off with drawing two lines under each of his eyes and then used the paint to contour his collarbones. It wasn’t much, but it was insanely attractive. He didn’t even bother checking my work in the mirror as he stood and sneaked a studded belt through the hoops in his jeans. Their tour manager then stuck his bald head through the door and said: “You ready? You’re on in twenty.” A choir of cacophonous murmurs was all he got in response. 

Once everyone was ready, the manager led us to the stage through a passage used only by band members to save them from the assault of fans. Halfway there I heard CC ask Tina: “So you wanna hear from backstage or the crowd? No one knows your face yet, so I think you’ll be safe out there.” But before Tina had the sliver of a chance to answer, Andy broke in. “They should be backstage. I wouldn’t really be comfortable with them out there.” I smiled at the thoughtfulness he showed, but CC scoffed. “Thousands of girls survive just fine in the crowds here. They don’t even have to go near the pit.” Andy’s arm tightened around my shoulders as he answered. “I know, it’s just… You know what? Never mind. You girls can decide what you want. We shouldn’t even be interfering.” My friend promptly nodded her head and turned to me. “I really want to be in the crowd, but I’ll just go wherever you go,” she winked. Being in the crowd sounded like the stepping stone to the best experience, so it didn’t take me long to agree with her, although Andy’s body language clearly showed that he wasn’t really comfortable with it. 

We came to a stop behind the stage, and while the other boys continued onto the platform, Andy stayed behind with Tina and I. A look of indecisiveness crossed his features briefly, but as he swallowed forcefully, his lips turned upwards into a strained smile. “Just be careful out there, okay? You too, Tina.” The latter was already pulling my hand, urging me with her, but I stalled for a short moment. “We will,” I promised, and I leaned on the tip of my toes to press my lips firmly against his. 

“Now go out there and be a rockstar.”


	17. Chapter 16

The screams began even before the band stepped on stage. Sweaty bodies were packed closely together in a fairly small square, and my friend and I had to lean to the tip of our toes to get even a glimpse of the stage. “We’re too far away! Come on!” Tina yelled, moments before she grabbed my hand and tugged me through a stream of disgruntled teens, who abruptly ceased their cheering to shoot us a handful of offended looks. Once she was satisfied with our proximity, she stopped and hooked an arm around my waist to keep us from being separated. “Are you ready?!” Andy’s voice sounded through the speakers, and the volume around us increased ten-fold. “I said: are you fucking ready?!” Tina and I joined in on the screams and cheers that somehow managed to become louder, and then the band came on stage, their posture tight with practiced professionalism. “Hello San Diego!” Andy yelled again, smirking in satisfaction when the crowd erupted in a roar. Jake and Jinxx were strumming a few introductory chords as Andy skimmed the vast crowd until his eyes settled on us. His smile widened as he ran a hand through his raven-colored hair, and then I Am Bulletproof began. 

The air was buzzing with electricity, clearly the source of everyone’s energy, and the ground beneath us rippled from the vibrations their songs induced. Everyone, including us, were jumping in time with the music, our hands in the air, as the boys were having the time of their lives on stage. Between each song, Andy chatted with the crowd for a few minutes, complimenting their looks and rhythm, and asking what they’d like to hear next. As Nobody’s Hero ended, Andy once more struck up conversation as the other boys took a swig of their water. Just as he was telling us all how grateful he and the band was to be there, I felt someone placing their hands on either side of my hips. Surprised, I spun around and came face to face with a guy who looked to be in his late twenties giving me a quick once-over. “Aren’t you a cute little thing?” he asked loudly, managing to get his sentence across in the absence of music. My eyes widened when I realized his intentions., and at a complete loss for words, I merely shrugged off his hands rather rudely, praying that he would get the hint, before spinning around once more. 

The boys on stage were about to begin the next song, when his hands resumed their previous position, only with more strength this time, and he pulled me flush against his clammy chest. I tried prying his fingers apart to make him loosen his grip, but to no avail. “Let me go!” I shouted, wriggling around and struggling more and more against his grip. “Hey, leave the lady alone!” a grown man shouted from somewhere behind us, and the stranger released me momentarily to turn around and punch the guy in the face. I took the open chance and started moving away from them, but the fully-packed audience slowed me down immensely. His grip was soon on me again, and I shuddered in disgust as his hands began sliding up and down my sides in what he probably figured would be a seducing move. Tina somehow managed to remain completely oblivious to the scene I was causing behind her, until Andy’s voice came over the speakers again. “Hey! What the fuck are you guys doing?” 

People’s heads whipped around in our general direction as I managed to wiggle out of his grip and hide myself behind my friend. “You better not be doing what it looks like you’re doing you motherfucker!” his enraged voice continued, and the stranger seemed to give up on me and instead pick a fight with Andy. He flipped him off and yelled curse words at him that no one could hear over the roar of the booing crowd. Everyone on stage stalled their movements as their gaze flickered between Andy and the clutter of people close to me. “You motherf-“ His voice dissipated as the mic was thrown to the ground and created a slicing screech that had everyone cover their ears. Tina and I watched in horror as Andy effortlessly jumped off stage and stalked towards us, easily ducking through all the people trying to get their hands on him. In what seemed to be only seconds, the stranger pounced on Andy with a forceful punch to the jaw, but was quickly flipped over so he was lying flat on the ground. 

My heart was practically leaping out of my chest as Andy landed punch after punch on the stranger’s face, but I remained impassive. My feet were practically rooted to the ground and my lips could no longer move. Security soon came over and pulled the lead singer off the poor guy lying bloody on the ground, and as Andy was pulled away he grabbed my arm and pulled me with them through the crowd that now automatically created a passage for us to go through. With a fierce wish of keeping my anonymity, I kept my head ducked low in the hopes that no one was filming the occurrence and plastering my face all over social media. 

Our ways soon parted as security ushered Andy to go back on stage, while I was being led to a fairly large tent off to the side reserved for crew members. Andy of course protested, but there was nothing he could do as they thrust a new mic into his hands and practically pushed him up the stairs to the stage. I could hear his half-hearted apology to the crowd loud and clear as I situated myself on the grass, opting for the ground rather than one of the chairs provided. I tapped my leg nervously as the thought of my friend being all alone in the crowd popped into my head, but I knew she could handle herself - better than I could, anyway. The concert was picked up after the band apologized, and I chuckled quietly as I imagined the look on the lead singer’s face. Apparently they were all taking a trip down memory lane as Knives And Pens started playing, and I took a quick glance around before snatching a cigarette from a package that lay on one of the tables. 

“You know that’s not good for you, right?” a peppy voice said from behind me, and I almost dropped my lighter in shock as the man sat down beside me on the grass. He looked at me expectantly, while I was merely staring at him in confused silence. But after a mental slap to the face, I regained my ability to speak. “Um, yeah, yeah I know that, but I-“ He interrupted me with an amused laugh before waving me off. “I was just playing. You can do meth for all I care. I’m Ronnie, by the way.” I ducked my head as I felt my cheeks warming up, but plucked up some courage defiantly and faced him again moments after. “I’m Amelia,” I greeted, shuffling uncomfortably as none of us made a move to shake hands or anything. Ronnie nodded with a playful smile tugging at his lips, clearly amused by my social awkwardness. “I’ve heard Andy talk about you. Sounds like he’s really into you,” he whispered dramatically, laughing when I hid my face again. With a final chuckle, he placed a hand on my shoulder and spoke again. “Relax. I’m just messing with you. But why are you back here and not in the crowd cheering on your boyfriend?” he asked curiously, leaning back of his elbows as he made himself comfortable. 

I bit my lip shyly when he referred to Andy as my “boyfriend”, but my reply was fairly quick. “He got in a fight with a guy in the crowd that started groping me, and security kinda led me out here. But it’s fine, no biggie,” I added quickly. Ronnie raised an eyebrow and let his eyes fall on the stage in the distance. “I’d like to have seen that. He’s so skinny, though, ain’t he? Almost as small as you,” he teased, elbowing me in the ribs. Before I had the time to retort, he continued. “Just tell me if you want me to finish that guy. Look at these.” He flexed his tattooed biceps playfully, showing off the muscles that strained against his tanned skin. “The guy wouldn’t stand a chance.” Despite my awkwardness, his joke managed to elicit an airy laugh from me. “I don’t know about that. I mean, Andy threw some pretty good punches in there,” I replied. An impressed hum left his throat. “I see.” 

We sat in a comfortable silence for a few minutes, just listening to the muffled music being played on stage. As I stubbed the cigarette against the ground, Ronnie rose and brushed the dirt off of his jeans. “Well, it was nice meeting you. I gotta be going, though. You gonna be okay?” I nodded in my hopefully most convincing manner and waved him off as he left. When he was gone, I found myself staring at the spot on the ground he had just been sitting in. I blinked slowly a few times, trying to wrap my head around the fact that I just had a conversation with the lead singer from Falling In Reverse. The fact still felt unreal as I lit another cigarette. Now all there was left to do was to wait for the concert to be over.

**Author's Note:**

> Hey! I decided to be bold and post a new piece of fan fiction I’ve been working on. Please leave a comment telling me whether or not you like it! And if some of the wording is a bit confusing or anything, please bear in mind that English is not my native language. Thank you for reading!


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